#asking me of all people for writing advice is like. the highest honor you could possibly bestow upon me

[brad-bakshi-loves-bugs]

hey there!! as someone who loves writing (but never posts) but hates reading OOC fics, i need your advice, if you're willing!

how do you find that pocket of in-character, while still fitting the storyline?

sorry if this sounds delirious and jumbled. I really admire your writing and wafwaf :)

okay, this is going to sound absolutely ridiculous and I have NEVER told anyone this before EVER, and I have no idea if this is something other people do or if im just a fucked up human being, but here me out:

so basically. I roleplay with myself. like, I spend a lot of time alone (which is fine im just a Huge Introvert) and I get bored easily, so when I was a lot younger I would just pretend to be my favorite characters from media and then when I was alone id talk and act like them and pretend to talk to the other characters in their universe. it helped me flesh out their backstories and behaviors, and with the added bonus that it gave my young ADHD brain something to do that wasn't destructive in any way. so like. it's kind of like larping, because im somewhat acting out what im roleplaying, but im not dressing up and it's just me, alone, pacing around my house. in hindsight it IS kind of pathetic and maybe I should tell my therapist about it, but if there's one thing you should know about me it's that I do NOT like being me and so I pretend to be other people as an escape.

well. in doing so, naturally, im going to get better at acting out the mannerisms of each character. and by that point, if you can act it out, then you can write it out. im very much a visual learner, so being able to picture the exact gestures and expressions each character would make while they talk etc helps SO much with writing! and sometimes I even take notes about specific mannerisms I notice while im watching the show (like brad frequently interrupting people, david's voice cracking when he's upset, etc), so that I can reference them while im writing to make sure I stay in character. I also watch a lot of youtube compilations from the show, so even if im not going back and rewatching the whole series, im still exposed to their distinct behaviors and speaking methods. it REALLY helps to just pick one or two characters at a time and study them exclusively, because you tend to notice a lot more about a specific character if your entire focus is on them.

now, could I write ian, or rachel, or poppy well? probably not, because I dont pay attention to their mannerisms when they're on screen since theyre not characters im personally invested in. but when david and especially brad are on screen, you can bet your ass im studying every tiny detail and change in their expression and tone, so that I can recreate that in my writing as necessary. my goal is that people will be able to recognize each character I write with exclusively dialogue and zero names mentioned. like, let me give an example:

"Hey man, did you get that report I sent you earlier?"

"Wh- uh, what report? I didn't get a report. Are you sure you-"

"Yes, I'm sure I sent it."

"Oh. Well then I'll, um, I'll check my email again. Are you sure you sent it to my work email?"

"Well I didn't send it to dirtydave3377@hotmail.com, if that's what you're asking."

"Oh, okay. I'll, uh- I'll get back to you on that report then I guess."

"Thanks."

see? now obviously the email kind of gave away one of the speakers, but hopefully it was more apparent as the dialogue progressed that the first speaker was brad and the responder was david. because david stutters a lot and uses a completely unnecessary amount of filler words when he talks, so he's pretty easy to write! and brad (typically) doesn't talk excessively, so it's common for him to give short responses only a few words in length. I basically write brad like he's perpetually fed up with everyone around him, because that seems most in character to me based on what I see in the show! lots of eye rolling, groaning, and frowning.

my goal in writing is for people to be able to visualize the characters saying what I write for them as if it's quoted directly from the show. now, im not going to claim to always succeed at that, but being able to hyperfixate on these characters helps a lot! so does reading other in-character fanfics, because it's sometimes tough to convert tv show acting into writing. luckily, at least in most fandoms, other people have already done it for you!

whenever im writing, especially when it comes to dialogue, im always picturing the characters in my head. I'm seeing the way their expressions shift, the way their hands gesticulate, the path they walk when theyre moving. im hearing them say the dialogue im writing in their voices, which probably makes me sound absolutely insane but im like 90% sure it's just my ADHD so dont worry! being able to see and hear the characters helps SO much, and I wouldn't write half as well without that skill.

im sorry this turned into such a long ramble! everyone has their own methods of figuring out characters, but roleplaying with myself, visualizing the characters, and studying the show helps me immeasurably.

as an aside, im always happy to beta stuff and check to see if it sounds in-character, and offer pointers/edits for anything that sounds too ooc! I've totally been there before, and obviously im not perfect, but I enjoy helping where I can and at this point ill do pretty much anything to help get more mq fics out in the world LOL

[actualbird]

i followed after reading your bmc fic 'is this a forest? because there sure is a lot of pine' when i was like? in late middle school i think? i was pretty lonely and lost at the time but your writing was a bright spot and i think i sent you an ask about how to make friends in highschool sjdjjdhf. you gave me some really solid advice that i fell back on a lot actually, so thank you!you also got me to watch dghda which was an absolute gem tysm. we dont share many fandoms anymore but i still love to see your posts and writing on my dash

irt asking my followers when they followed me

oh my gosh, another bmc era follower!! thank you for following me for that fic!

i think in terms of like....fandom legacy, that fic is one of my most popular ones. if im not mistaken, it's also ranked highest in my ao3 stats. the sheer amount of people who have read that fic just boggles my mind but im always grateful for each and every one of you...

im so glad my work could bring some joy to you back then, hhhhh. thats an honor to me. frankly, so long as my writing can make someone out there smile, thats already a huge victory to me.

i CANNOT remember what advice i gave but im glad it was helpful ;w; !!! and YASSSS DGHDA FOR THE WIN!!! while ive moved on from the fandom, dghda is still so dear to me and one of my all-time favorite shows

thank you for sticking around despite the lack of common interests!! and i hope you have a nice day <3

[mag-writes]

Hello! I just found out that you are the author of Sublime Meanings, is it okay if I ask you a few questions? See, I'm trying to write a fic with Yuta but I'm having trouble creating an original female character that can match him, how did you create the personality of the reader in your fic? Did you have a specific idea in mind or did things fall into place as you wrote? And the dynamic, the reader and Yuta from your fic really had chemistry together! Could you give me some tips for creating this kind of romantic chemistry? By the way, Sublime Meanings is an incredible story, I find myself thinking about it from time to time and I really appreciate what you've written so far.

Anon, you literally had me mime screaming into my pillow at your compliments—of course I’d be happy to answer any questions!! Sublime Meanings honestly wasn’t supposed to get as long as it did; it was just meant to be a one shot to fill in the time between Yuta’s incident at his high school and him going to jujutsu high. However, even if I was writing off the top of my head, I had a (mostly) clear idea of how I wanted the reader to come off in SM.

While I try to keep all my reader-inserts as much of a blank slate as possible, it’s difficult to believe any actions taken without prior events, y’know? In particular for SM, I wanted a more solemn character to match Yuta’s personality, and one that grows into themselves as Yuta grows as a character. I’ve found that the easiest way to write chemistry between two characters is to either have A: an opposite or B: a compliment. The reader in SM is very much the B category, but it’s important to remember to not make a complete copy. Things can’t be interesting if there’s no variety, particularly in romantic interests. The same goes for category A! If you have a complete opposite, then it makes it difficult for people to see how two characters can mesh how they do. While it’s a romantic idea, it’s much harder to write outside of it.

As for the romantic chemistry, I’ll admit that it’s something I still struggle with myself. The reader and Yuta’s relationship is based off of my absolute favorite trope of friends to lovers—and it’s incredibly easy to create a romantic relationship when you have a foundation like a strong friendship to support it. I wanted the two of them to be best friends before they got anywhere near a romantic relationship. My best advice here is to remember that while romance is nice to witness, it’s much nicer to see when it enhances a situation instead of being the focus of that situation, if that makes sense? Feel free to ask for more advice if it doesn’t—I’m aware that me rambling probably doesn’t make for easy understanding, especially when I’ve had a bit of a long day 😭

Finally, you truly had me so, so happy with your last sentence. I’ve always had that experience of loving a fic to the point of it just, rotating in my mind at random times. It’s the highest honor to hear that a story I just thought up after watching the jjk movie for the second time and wanting to convey my love for Yuta as a character to the world gave someone else that same feeling. Your words mean the world to me, anon 🫶🫶

[bistaxx]

Observations and discussion- the 11/29 streams

Part 1 George’s stream| Part 2 Tubbo’s stream ( will be linked when it’s done )

George logs onto the SMP because his chat was freaking out about his home.

Dream tells George to not worry and tells him to not look at his now burnt home.

George already heard that Tommy was the one who torched his house from chat but the first SMP member he actually hears it from is Karl.

I don’t remember if Quackity knew it was Tommy or not but when he follows George to his house Quackity never blames Tommy and tries to convince George that it was BBH and Skeppy because of that one sign Tommy (I think) placed. ( Though I think this is most likely because Quackity likes trolling BBH. )

After Quackity leaves the VC Karl immediately starts complaining about Tommy’s actions to George ( and Ranboo but mostly Tommy. ) 

Karl advices George to not fix his house immediately, and tells him to “harp on it”. ( To me this feels like Karl trying to rile George up and get him even angrier at Tommy. )

Continued under the read more

( Karl is an interesting character in this plot. He tends to be overlooked and he’s very aware of that: it annoys him but he also uses it to his advantage. He is both clever and very blatant with his power hungry tendencies: he doesn’t immediately try to obtain the highest levels of power and instead is trying to climb the political latter one step at a time. He’s not at all subtle about it but because he’s Karl and people underestimate him he can get away with it. )

( We we’re all out here going: Fundy betrayal arc, Quackity corruption arc, Tommy villian arc and ended up forgetting about a possible Karl arc lol )

Karl is the one who suggests George talks to Tubbo about Tommy’s behavior and flat out says “Tommy is the vice president I think we need to overthrow him and... I don’t know who the Vice Vice President is but whoever is just needs to step up and become the Vice President... That’s just my opinion though.”

( FYI: Karl pressured Tubbo into naming him vice vice president. )

Karl keeps on attempting to make the V.V.P look better to George who is focusing on rebuilding and doesn’t seem to care about what Karl is saying. Karl also wants George to leave the mess as is to provide proof for Tubbo but George once again ignores him.

They join VC5 but Tubbo gets overwhelmed by all the talking and moves into VC6 with Quackity.

Karl informs George about Dream’s wall and speculates that Dream did it for George.

The King flat out admits that he doesn’t understand politics ( lol )

George initially agrees with the wall but Karl keeps on pushing for a change in power instead.

Tommy joins and George accuses him, Tommy denies the claim but Karl doesn’t believe him. When George considers that Tommy might be telling the truth Karl says that Tommy is lying.

“What do I get out of lying to you George?” ( Now Karl isn’t lying to George but I find this line interesting because it’s VERY clear what Karl could get and has been pushing for this whole conversation. )

Karl hits the nail half on the head. “Listen, here’s what it is. It’s two people that are just obsessed with power: Tommy and Dream... They are using the ashes of your house as a political statement.”

( Now I say half because Tommy isn’t interested in political gain or political control, he just wants his discs back... now Dream. I was actually writing a draft about this but never finished so I’m just gonna say my own thoughts here: Dream has been looking for an opportunity to make his move and Tommy attacking George, the king of the SMP, was exactly what he needed. He could’ve just punished Tommy but instead he targeted all of L’manberg because he knew that 1.) they are in not in ANY position to fight back against him right now and 2.) Tommy would face major consequence for what was essentially a small prank that was fixed in like less then 10 minutes. To quote Tommy “It was the perfect crime.” )

( Also no one confronted Dream about him burning Manifold Land and that upsets me! >:( Jack Manifold deserves better!!! )

George travels to L’Manburg and finds Dream. Dream informs George that it was Tommy who burned George’s home and since George is the King it would be considered a very big offense. So Dream decided to make his move and boarded up L’manburg to pressure Tubbo and the rest of the cabinet into punishing Tommy. Karl agrees with the idea of punishing Tommy.

Dream tells George not to worry about it again, George asks Dream where he got all the obsidian from and Dream refuses to give a straight answer aside from “Not from creative mode.” ( I’m pretty sure Dream took it from Fundy... interesting that he doesn’t want George to know about that. Does George even know that Fundy is engaged with Dream? )

Dream continues to try and keep George out of the situation meanwhile Karl switches his target over to Dream asking if Tommy should step down as VP to which Dream agrees but also adds that it isn’t enough. Karl also asks if the V.V.P should step up and become VP to which Dream shrugs “ I guess...”, Karl latches onto this as his official endorsement and runs off.

( I’ll talk more about this later but I when I watching Tubbo’s stream I got this overwhelming feeling that Dream is trying to separate Tommy and Tubbo or at least drive a wedge in their bond. )

George expresses concern that the wall wont be enough, Dream once again stresses that he is handling the situation. Dream says “Do you see how much I’ve already done for you... trust me.” and leaves shortly after it. ( It almost feels like a parent talking to a child; a bit of a patronizing energy from Dream to George. Dream wants George to stay neutral and stay out of conflict but recently it seems like George has been wanting to get more involved- just a tiny bit. )

George however stills feels uncertain about the wall, Karl argues that it’s a step in the right direction “it sets up a precedent.” and while George agrees he still doesn’t see how it’ll help in the long run while Karl continues to drag Tommy.

George and Karl join the L’manbergian VC and they argue for a bit before the cabinet move to a new VC without George... and Karl which infuriates him.

Karl vents his frustrations to George about being treated like a second class citizen despite his status as a member of the government.

Karl sulks and George legitimately feels bad for him.

Dream whispers to George to get out of the borders, George asks if Karl should come with them and if he’s gonna hurt the L’manburgians. Dream just says for George to stay away from the conflict and remain neutral

( I saw someone else bring this up before but Dream seems to stick around ‘neutral’ people: George being the obvious one, Callahan being appointed the royal squire, that one time he told Purpled of all people to stay away from Manberg before the war, and last night when Dream was trailing after Puffy who has recently been feeling conflicted about her place in the SMP. I can’t tell how much of it is Dream genuinely caring and how much of it is just him wanting easy people to control and use. )

Karl talks about going “back to the grind” and George, somewhat cautiously, says that Karl should “just get out of here.” ( here being L’manberg )

George gets out of L’manberg but quickly hops back in to watch the discussion between the cabinet members but since he can’t hear anything he leaves- not wanting anything to do with a possible war.

( Which is probably what Dream wants George to do- stay out of it and let Dream handle it. )

Karl continues to vent about not being respected and George sympathetically listens

George stumbles upon the L’mantree, this prompts Karl to say “I’m not telling you to, because I’m the vice vice president and the only reason I’m letting this slip is because they’re being mean to me,... but that tree is very important to them I’m just saying.”

George comments about how interesting it would be if something were to happen to that tree. Karl eggs George on to do something but George gets distracted by Dream.

Karl gives George 24 blocks of obsidian, Karl continues to talk about how disrespectful it was of the others to not include him in the meeting.

Karl joins their call, promising to recount anything to George. George calls Karl his little spy.

( funny little moment: George kidnaps a L’manberg salmon and drops it on Quackity’s head. Your honor they are brothers! )

George joins the VC with the others: they discuss George’s home and if Tommy is guilty.

Dream and Tubbo go to talk in private.

George listens as the other cabinet members beg for Tommy to just tell the truth.

They all start leaving the call until it’s just George and Karl again

Interestingly Karl brings up supporting the idea of Quackity being VP in place of Tommy ( with Karl perhaps aware that because of the lack of respect the others have for him trying to make Quackity the VP instead would be more realistic )

George and Karl continue to bond over disliking Tommy.

Karl joins a VC and George soon follows but they’re immediately told by Tubbo to leave, this just frustrates them even more.

“I’m peeved George.” 

Karl encourages George to read his chat, who are telling George to burn down the tree.

George finds the ingredients to make a flint and steel in a nearby chest ( I don’t know if it was just a coincidence or if Dream or Karl placed those items in there. )

George decides against burning the tree and instead takes some of it hostage.

George and Karl are asked to join the VC and they all travel to the courthouse

I’ll cover the court stuff in more detail when I watch Tubbo and Tommy’s streams because it concerns them more and I don’t want to make this TOO long.

George listens as the cabinet continues to argue along the way, Niki and Ranboo join.

Pretty much everyone is vocally against Tommy, except for Ranboo who is mostly keeping to himself

George blocks tommy off with his obsidian. Karl and George play dumb about where the obsidian came from ( Though Karl might not have realized it was George who placed it or forgot that he gave him those blocks )

George jokes about Tommy already being done for with Quackity as his lawyer ( Your honor!! They are brothers!!)

Niki immediately tries to defend Ranboo when George brings up Chats claim of Ranboo being involved with the house burning. ( Sibling moment Pog <3 )

Tommy also defends Ranboo, and Tommy keeps defending him even after admitting to the crime.

( I’ll talk more about interesting Tommy stuff I noticed when I watch his stream )

Niki and Tommy vouch for Ranboo’s innocence and since Ranboo’s memory is apparently very spotty they all decide to let him go, except for George who wants them to review the footage ( Tommy’s vod I presume ) to see if Ran is truly innocent but George is ignored.

George tags along after the trial while the L’manberg cabinet continues their discussion.

George listens as Tommy talks about his goals to piss off Dream until he gets his discs back, the rest of the cabinet argue that his actions are irresponsible since as a member of the Government he represents all of L’manberg ( Though something tells me that even if Tommy wasn’t VP Dream, opportunist and conniver he is, still would’ve tried to make Tommy burning George’s house into a big deal since Tommy is still a L’manberg citizen. )

Dream shows up and Tommy chases after him, everyone follows in a panic.

Karl confronts Ranboo about him helping Tommy burn George’s cottage but let’s him off easy and tells Ran to apologize to George.

Ranboo apologizes even though he can’t remember doing it ( allegedly )

Niki is on Ranboo’s defense, she blames Tommy for being a bad influence on Ran.

Ranboo says “I never said that I couldn’t remember any of it- I just said that I have bad short term memory... “ he also tells George that the fire was an accident and that neither him or Tommy meant for it to spread.

Ranboo does also confirm that Tommy stole stuff and Ranboo did too but Ran put the stuff he stole back because he felt bad.

Ran says that he’s not good at standing up to people and George forgives him but George still wants his stuff back- Ranboo promises to try and help.

Ranboo questions the construction of the walls just because George’s house was burned.

George decides to interrogate Tommy and joins their call, he hears the cabinet argue about the discs ( I’ll cover this more in another post )

( This is when Tommy’s mom tells him about the dishes LOL )

Sapnap joins in confused and George tells him what happened alongside Karl.

Sapnap officially declares himself one of Gogy’s knights. For now George asks Sapnap to keep an eye on Tommy.

Sapnap gets anxious when Tommy and the rest start punching each other ( in reality they’re doing a handshake ) and protectively gets in front of Karl and George

“Dream’s not here, so I gotta protect you guys!” ( Just a nice little moment)

The cabinet go back into the Camarvan, the others watch from the top of the van. Ranboo and Niki decide to respect their privacy.

Sapnap is vocally on George’s side and against L’manberg

“These L’manbergians George, they should’ve learner their lesson the first time when we dealt with them.”

Niki takes offense to this

Karl reveals why he was on Schlatt’s side during the war “ I didn’t feel welcomed...” ( Interesting!! Not feeling welcomed was what caused Quackity to create Swag2020 and later join Schlatt!!!!!!)

Sapnap agrees that the L’manbergians don’t make people feel welcomed. Karl adds that even as vice vice president he still doesn’t feel welcomed since he’s not included in the meetings, Niki agrees that it’s pretty rude of them to do that to Karl.

( This might be important later on: Last night Puffy considered joining Dream but she doesn’t want to turn against Niki but Puffy might try to convince her to join Dream’s side- but I don’t think Niki would go without Ranboo and he needs to be a citizen to run in the next election.)

George and Sapnap agree that it’s wrong of them to not include Karl

Sapnap criticizes Tubbo for not keeping his people in check

Niki doesn’t defend Tubbo, instead she brings up how Ranboo is running for the next election ( interesting!!!!)

Sapnap calls Karl their “ambassador”

George wants to help Karl break down some of the walls around party island but decides to not get involved- Sapnap agrees once again brining up how the king mustn’t get involved and neither can Sapnap as a royal knight.

“I’m the kings right hand man- one of his right hand men. One of the knights, I represent the king.”

George warns Karl about Dream having the walls be in specific places for a reason and gets him to stop, the two are about to listen to some music before Dream whispers for George to come over to him.

Dream gives George the fish Quackity took for his pond in exchange for the parts of the L’mantree he took. At first George questions giving back the leaves but does so.

( In Tubbo’s stream I saw him give the pieces back to the L’manbergians as a show of good faith, but too me this rings more of Dream trying to make himself seem like a good guy to the other L’manbergians while he tries to make Tommy look worse. )

George goes back home to return his fish

Tommy gets blamed for damage done to Karl’s walkway ( I don’t know if he did that )

( George hears a Minecraft cat meow and meows back at it????? )

Tommy asks George for some leather and to two have a little spat, Tommy also remarks about how he hoped that him and Sapnap would be on better terms after Mars but it seems that ship has sailed- Sapnap is loyal to George first and foremost.

Karl’s loyalty to L’manberg has been deeply shaken, Sapnap apologizes to him.

George see’s the rebuilt L’mantree.

George and Sapnap try to cheer up Karl, encouraging his growing negative feelings towards L’manburg.

Quackity is concerned and joins the call after Karl drowns himself three times.

George and Sapnap take Karl back to his house and try to cheer him up with help from Quackity but Karl tries to drown himself again until George orders him as king to stop, threatening to never “pop-off” with him again if he keeps drowning himself

The group decide to have a serious conversation at party island

They all climb into the tree house to support Karl

Quackity promises to talk to Tubbo about Karl getting ignored.

Quackity mistakenly thinks that Karl kissed George (unless he’s talking about a different situation idk ). Quackity then hits George and the two start fighting before George orders Sapnap to get Quackity out of there.

Sapnap draws his bow ordering Quackity to leave while Karl begs them to stop fighting. Things get tense between the trio and Quackity asks if Sapnap still loves him. Sapnap says he does and that this is just a formality before George shoves him out of the tree accidentally killing Quackity.

Quackity says “he understands” to Karl and leaves.

( Damn, Gogy out here destroying relationships left and right! /lh )

Quackity comes back for his things and is asked to rejoin VC

More relationship drama ensues: Quackity is upset at Karl for not standing up for him when their other fiancé, Sapnap, pulled a bow on Quackity. Karl claims that he didn’t just stand there but Quackity moves on to Sapnap, asking for them to just leave Karl. George is confused.

Quackity asks for his “yeezys” back from Karl but George takes them, promising to give them back so long as Karl stops drowning himself

Karl says that’s he’s gonna be fine since Quackity promised to talk to Tubbo, the trio decide to make up to “ not make their wedding awkward”

Hbomb joins and George gives the boots back

(Sapnap clearly cares about both Karl and Quackity but in the end of the day his duties as a royal knight come first- things might get messy if another war starts up. )

( Edit: Addition to the above point, Quackity and Sapnap actually bring this up during Sapnaps 11/30 stream and my point is kind of reaffirmed but not quite in the way I expected. Sapnap listened to George because George is the king and he’s already seen what happens when you disobey the king; it’s certainly fear over respect in this case. He quickly shifts the topic to Karl after this- revealing that, while he still loves Karl, Sapnap views Karl as the “3rd wheel” of their relationship. Quackity basically agrees with this. Ouch. )

Alright back to serious stuff: George, Sapnap, and Karl speculate about what’s going to happen next. George still hasn’t gotten the stuff Tommy took from him back.

Hbomb suggests that George looks through Tommy’s stuff and see if any of his stolen goods are there, George agrees and goes but Sapnap has to leave, he tells George to be safe.

since George doesn’t remember what exactly Tommy took from him he decides to just take what he wants ( Hbomb noting about how that’s just the way this server works lol )

George takes useful stuff from Tommy, chat freaks out about how this could break George’s neutrality and Karl later asks if George was committing war crimes via stealing: George denies this.

Later George joins the VC with Tubbo and they start talking about making a chess tournament.

Some more little humorous moments happen- nothing really plot related I think. George plays chess with Fundy, Karl tries to make a rollercoaster in Philza’s house since he got rid of the school, a global warming arc is jokingly discussed, George tries to enforce some rules as king ( things like flight licenses, and shop permits. Nothing serious), I think George and Karl kiss in the kissing booth ( hard to tell with Minecraft; but George- I know it’s hard but please stop being such a darn homewrecker!! /Joking )

Also Jack briefly logs on but I don’t think he noticed the destruction to Manifold land yet ( He most definitely noticed during  Fundy’s stream today and is pissed )

Karl attacks Maid!Hbomb in church prime

George asks Hbomb to keep an eye Tommy, Hbomb continues to do cat maid things~ to George’s dismay

( George has never watched ATLA wtf )

Punz joins and George tells him about what happened. 

Later Punz confirms that he is one of George’s knights.

George considering granting Punz a flight license so long as he serves under him.

Punz comments on L’manburg’s loss in territory, George says it’s justified.

George, Punz, and Hbomb notice an odd cobblestone bridge structure in that starts around Hutt’s pizza and ends over L’manburg. Punz investigates it with the others. It ends right above the little town square area, with the Technoblade wanted posters.

Punz and George speculate the importance of the bridge and find out it’s a good ledge for jumping into a pool of water in the nation.

After a few awkward moments with Maid!Hbomb George and him considering making a deal: George would get one of Hbomb’s Pigstep discs in turn for renting a room out to Hbomb in George’s cottage. Nothing is set in stone yet and George decides to end his stream.

And that's about it! Thanks for reading!! I’ll try to cover the other streams ASAP.

[hermette-historian]

I AM going to ask about your extremely strong feelings on academic competition, it both sounds interesting and it's also healthy to write out your feelings, even more if it's something that's personally tiring/upsetting. Just to let it all out, yknow? Of course, feel free to ignore this ask if you don't have the time and/or if it's none of our business to know u-u - 🌻

I can promise you, you’re about to wish you hadn’t asked.

I have thoughts.

For people relying on me to stick absolutely solely to Hermitcraft on this blog, I’m sorry in advance for I am but a human. 

First, let’s ruminate a little bit upon why it is that I have thoughts. I attended a very large, extremely competitive public high school in the US, and I now attend  an even more competitive, very small private university. Somehow not as much of a culture shock as you would think.

I, like so many of you, was designated gifted kid as a child and rode that wave all the way through high school. Only somehow, I managed to not raise any mental health alarms along the way. Absolutely smooth sailing. Crazy, right? Only it really wasn’t.

The first sign that I was destined to clash violently with the established world of academic hierarchy and resulting social superiority was eighth grade, when I had to schedule into my first high school classes. We actually had the option to take an AP class-World History. We were blanket advised to not take world history because it was a massive jump in workload from even the most difficult middle school courses, but most of my friends believed themselves to be able to handle it so they disregarded the advice. I did not sign up for AP World History that year, or any year after that. I probably could have handled it, but quite simply I was not interested. I had no drive to learn history at that point in my life. Why would I go the extra mile to do it?

I cannot exaggerate enough how unpopular this decision was. While my parents had my back then and now in the path this set me on, the people I chose to associate myself with could at no point get it through their heads that choosing something other than the highest grade of rigor for a reason other than “you’re just not smart enough” was even an option. And that sucked. It sucked for them, victims of culture and structure, and it sucked for me, a victim of their endless condescension.

I stuck to my guns all the way through high school. I took high-rigor courses, sure. I did extracurriculars. I was, and still am, highly self-motivated to achieve academically. But my stubbornness when it came to only taking on things that I was actually interested in (and never, ever taking part in something just for the resumé points) meant that while my peers were taking a full seven-course load of AP honors classes by our senior year, I only had five total. 

This competitive culture, not my resumé, made my college application process a living hell. Sure, I had my choice of higher education in the end. But I only applied to six highly-accredited universities that I was actually interested in, while my peers applied to twenty at once just to flex their acceptances. Don’t get me wrong, it broke my heart to see them work so hard on an essay that in the end meant nothing, but holy hell did it turn them into terrible monsters to deal with. Calculus class (which by the way, I finally was persuaded to skip a course in order to take, worst mistake of my life) was regularly derailed by arguments over who out of that selection of 26 was going to get valedictorian. Apparently there was a tie, I wasn’t listening. I finished 70th out of 726, barely making the top 10% with a GPA well over 4.0. 

These are the people that I took with me into university, not in body but certainly in spirit. I love my university and wouldn’t trade it for any other choice I could have made. But on days like today, when I’m taking a full load of courses for the second time in the midst of a still-ongoing pandemic, my GPA barely clinging to a 3.0 after two semesters of organic chemistry, three semesters of calculus (yes I had to retake that one attempt from high school) electricity and magnetism, and quantum physics, melting on the floor after a particularly terrible exam, I struggle to step back and realize that I did not come out of there unscathed. Years upon years of relentlessly competing in a race I intentionally didn’t sign up for beat me down and finally broke me. It made me feel like if I wasn’t doing the absolute most, if I wasn’t maxxing myself out taking two majors and two minors and riding for the university team and playing in the orchestra and working 16-hour shifts backstage at the theater and running a goddamn essay blog that I simply wasn’t good enough. That all of the engineers and computer scientists were better than me, smarter than me, that they knew something that I didn’t. That they were doing life right, and I was doing it wrong.

I couldn’t give less of a shit what kind of job I get after I graduate. I’ve been perfectly happy in every minimum wage job I’ve ever had. I’m in this fight because I love to learn-I find myself reading the papers on Asian history now with the same wonder with which I go into a lecture on NMR spectroscopy. I want to know all the things, learn all the languages, I want to understand every bit of the world I live in and even the worlds I don’t. But I’m also human. A human with fears and insecurities and terrible anxiety that comes from being berated and misunderstood and looked down upon for not "doing it right”. Some days, that leaves me writing a passionate blog post or god forbid an instagram comment. And some days, that leaves me in a sobbing puddle on the floor wondering why I’m not good enough, if it’s too late to turn back, and if I’ll ever be able to participate in a society that-if my twenty rejected internship applications are to be believed-requires that I also somehow learn to write code.

[thelastyetfabolousmidwestmadman]

Dark Side Of The Rising Sun Part 1

Yo what’s up!

After the success of my previous post, I’ve decided to bring a follow up where I talk about the many dysfunctions and issues facing Japan that I’ve learned in my research. Detective Conan often shows the criminal justice system of Japan in a positive light while in reality it has many issues due to the culture.

Now let me make this clear: Japan has many great things about itself that should never be ignored. However, these are real flaws that have or need to be addressed with many Japanese also recognizing them as problems.

Now I had to split this into parts as this is rather ungainly to put it all at once. If you have any questions please ask and I’ll do my best to answer them.

 Suicide

Japan has one of the highest suicide rates in the world with about 15.2 deaths per 100,000 people.

This is due to many factors such as Suicide not being considered a sin as well as historical connotations of it being a honorable way to go.

It is also considered a act of revenge, apology, and protest.

It is mostly caused today by factors such as unemployment, alienation and intense social pressure.

Japanese society is overall tolerant of Suicide but this is changing in recent times.

Another factor is the need for acceptance over individuality.

People with mental illness are often discriminated against, stopping potential help.

Internet Suicide Clubs where anonymous people make/plan suicide pacts and commit group suicide are a major issue.

If you kill yourself via Shinkansen, your family will be fined heavily. It is also the cause of half of the train delays and referred to as a human incident.

Tall buildings have mandatory suicide fences to prevent people from jumping off. When they succeed, they take off their shoes before hand.

It is common for suicidal people to take insurance policies and wait a year or two to go through with it so their families would be okay.

Ikka Shinju or family suicides are when the entire family kills themselves together due to Asian views of the family. When the parents kill their children before themselves, this is called Muri-Shinju or murder suicides.

Oyaku Shinju or parent-child suicide are where a single parent kill their children along with themselves.

Drownings, overdoses, hangings, and jumping off places are the most common form of suicide.

Judiciary

Traditionally, the judge is hated more then the lawyer is in the west as the Judge is often viewed as a symbol of the Japanese nobility judging the common man.

If you are sent to trial, you are certain to be convicted regardless of innocence due to the countries 99% conviction rate. (Really makes Eri’s work more awesome and badass doesn’t it?)

The Japanese supreme court is one of the most conservative in the world, rarely ruling against issues that are blatantly unconstitutional and anti human rights. As a result, one of the more positive proposals for amendments of the Constitution is the creation of a separate Constitutional Court.

If you are sent to death row, you will never be told in advance when you are going to die.

Culturally, once arrested the person is automatically considered guilty.

Police are often reluctant to overturn convictions as they insist that only guilty are arrested and convicted.

The law when a child is considered criminally responsible is 14.

Judges are often pressured into making convictions as their careers are negatively affected by a not guilty verdict.

Prosecutors are given the choice not to pursue a case regardless of sufficient evidence.

Prisoners in Japan, while somewhat treated better then much of the world due to it’s focus on rehabilitation instead of punishment, have to follow strict military style regulations from minor things such as being forced to fold the bed, or to wash your face to more draconian measures such being beaten if you don’t march or sit the wrong way.

In turn, many have inadequate access to medical care as they don’t have many options for their healthcare.

It can take months or years before you are tried, meaning that a right to a speedy trial is completely nonexistent.

“Periods of reflection” where inmates are forced to be handcuffed, gagged and placed in solitary, are often not recorded by the warden.

Foreigners are forced to speak and write in Japanese.

Drug Use

It is considered vastly socially unacceptable to do narcotics in Japan.

Most drug addicts are even considered to be not human.

If a celebrity is caught doing drugs, his career is automatically fucked and he is blacklisted from the industry, as well as erased from current projects.

The most commonly sold drug is methamphetamine. This started after World War II due to Meth being legal for soldiers to consume in order to stay up late on petrol as well as from occupying Americans. After the was, it became a huge epidemic for 12 years.

Marijuana use has risen among youth. Despite it having little danger as well as medicinal uses, it is widely considered evil, with the law having no tolerance.

Overall, Japan has little drug use compared to the rest of the world due to the cultural taboo and strict laws. However, there are signs that it is being vastly under counted,

Most illicit drugs are imported from Taiwan and South Korea due to it being near impossible to grow it natively but it is becoming increasingly hard to do so.

Drugs overdoses are criminally under diagnosed.

Epidemics often occur due to low periods of economic growth and recessions. (Examples include the postwar period, the 70′s, and the Lost Decade after the Bubble Economy burst in 1989)

It is common for your family or doctor to call the police once you admit there is a problem. Then you are forced to take a urine sample and if it tests positive you are immediately arrested.

A lot of doctors open pharmacies to add to their income. As a result, many oversubscribe prescription drugs.

Hypocritically, Alcoholism is completely tolerated and not treated as a addiction due to alcohol being considering purifying in Shinto, a cure, and Japan having a intense drinking culture.

Child Abuse

For the most part, physical child abuse is considered a private issue and often ignored. While things are slowly getting better, Japan still has a long way to go. (Imagine if Kogoro did what he did to Conan in the west. Child services would be on him like a fly swatter.)

Child services often return the children to their parents even if they say their abusing them as the counseling centers need the parents to admit to their abuse.

It is a complete myth that Japan’s age of consent is 13. That is only the lowest one could set it. Most prefectures are set at 16 or higher. In turn, child molestation of those under 12 is heavily punished. However while vaginal rape of children is illegal, basically just about everything else as long as it’s statutory is basically alright.

Enjo Kosai or compensated dating is the practice of Teenage Girls to go on dates with older men in exchange for money and gifts. While not necessarily always leading to prostitution is treated as such and the girls are often blamed if they are hurt in the process.

Child sex trafficking of migrants is a serious issue and they are often treated as criminals and sent home without counseling.

Adoption of children is rare and frowned upon so many of them have to gro up in centers.

Children of unmarried couples are discriminated against due to the violation of the traditional Ie system and do not have the same protections or privileges of married couples because of its Koseki system.

Men are not obligated to pay child support and it’s near impossible to get them to legally as they can simply hide their finances by not telling them. Plus only one person can be named on the custody sheet.

Child Pornography was effectively decriminalized until 2014. No seriously.

Sexual Harassment/Assault

Domestic violence victims are disabused from coming forward due to the idea of bringing shame to their family.

Stalking cases are rarely taken seriously by the police

OH THERE”S WAY MORE BUT THIS LIST IS DARK ENOUGH SO LET”S SAVE THIS FOR A LATER DATE.

Working Conditions

Idols are heavily exploited and forced to follow strict rules such as having no social life, banned from having a boyfriend, etc. This is because they are supposed to sell a image of innocence and be there exclusively for their fans.

Anime creators are often forced to work long hours with little pay. This has resulted in a slump in the industry with very few new hires so they are forced to rely on the older animators whose health may fail sooner rather then later.

Funds are rarely given to films with artistic intent or that are political in nature, resulting the film industry suffering compared to the more internationally regarded South Korea.

Police Corruption

Until recently, Japanese police would work with organized crime to lower crime. The only reason they stopped was not out of concern for the everyday citizen but because they were embarrassed by the Yakuza when they began to show up more publically.

The media is often laughably compliant to the police, with they rarely offering a critical lens.

Police have undue influence on the Pachiko industry, with many retired officers being hired as muscle and for advice.

It is quite common for officers to embezzle from their slush funds.

In a effort to cover up crime, police often refuse to investigate mysterious or suspicious deaths, preferring to label them as accidents or suicide.

Police are often anti migrant and sexist to a fault.

It is neigh impossible to get a wiretap going due to rigid privacy laws.

Even the police can’t fire weapons as you need approval to even loose your gun so many officers have never fired a bullet.

Government Incompetence/Corruption

Voter Apathy is super high, with many elections having hilariously low turnout.

Many politicians have Yakuza connections, with the gang members serving as bodyguards and canvassing for votes.

Votes in the countryside are worth two compared to urban ones.

A lot of politicians are completely out of touch and constantly have to resign for gaffes (racism, sexism, historical revisionism, etc.)

Political acts are based on group consensus so it can take a long time to get meaningful reform done.

Criticism and debate is ironically frowned upon, with open criticism within a party being effectively banned.

Cronyism is common. While for the most part Japanese politics is based on expertise, many politicians are awarded ministries based on their support for the leader.

The NHK (Japanese version of the BBC) is largely neutral and free but the current Japanese government can dictate what it is to focus on temporarily.

Press Clubs are often given exclusive access to interviews and information from the government, so they get biased preferential treatment.

Okay I guess the point of this list is to bring attention to these issues and expand the opportunities of where to go when it comes to dark DC fanfiction. Don’t worry, here’s a cute Conan to make you smile!

[lowkeyorloki]

You're generally thought of to have really good characterization of Loki in this fandom (I'd say that's what you're known for???), so I was wondering if you could give some tips on how to write Loki? And maybe some general tips on writing imagines/x readers?

Hi there anon! First, thank you very much for such a high compliment. I think any fanfiction author would agree when I say being told we get our muse’s characterization correct is one of the highest compliments we can be given, so THANK YOU! 

I would be happy to give you some advice, but keep in mind, this is just my interpretation of Loki. You, and any other author, are allowed to take creative control and do with his character what you will. This is just what works for me!

For Imagines/X Reader Fics

This is my third imagines blog, so I have been doing x readers for a long time. If you’re looking to expand your following, I would start out doing preferences. This is when you take a group of people from the same piece of media (in Marvel, a good example would be the whole team of The Avengers) and basically write a little drabble for each of them in one post. This will allow you to use multiple character tags, which means your posts are more likely to circulate. From there, you can totally branch off and have an emphasis on one character, or create a whole new sideblog for one character that people from your already-established following can find. I used this method twice and it worked really well- it also lets people see you can write for different types of characters, which is always a plus.

Tags! Use as many tags as you can, because that’s how people find your work. Make sure to use some with your muse’s first name, and some with their first and last. For imagines specifically, I would always make sure you have “(name) x reader”, “(name) x you”, and “(name) imagine”, because those are what people usually search for.

Avoid physical descriptions. “Reader” is just that: the reader. Not everyone has blue eyes, not everyone has long hair, not everyone is white, etc. etc. If you really want to write a character with specific physical traits, then you should develop an OC. It rips your readers out of your fics when they’re described in a way that doesn’t fit them, and can also really harm their confidence- the only descriptions of someone’s appearance I’ve ever seen in x readers are features that are considered conventionally attractive, so it’s important to be mindful of any implicit biases you may have.

...You also have to keep the reader as a character somewhat neutral, because they are supposed to be whoever is consuming your fic. If you’re going to give them character traits, justify them with your story. You want your reader to be trained in hand-to-hand combat? They took martial arts as a kid. You want your reader to be the smartest in their field? Give them a backstory that made them that way. It’s personality traits you have to look out for, because if someone’s personality doesn’t match with “y/n’s”, that person isn’t going to be able to read your works. 

Speaking of y/n, I would suggest not using it at all. I’ve recently stopped using it due to my own experience and feedback from my followers. Most people don’t see y/n and replace it with their name, it just becomes a reminder they’re reading something. Your goal is to immerse your readers in your fics, and I’ve found this often has the opposite effect. There are a lot of ways to avoid y/n, such as pet names (darling, baby, love) or creative phrasing (”your name passed over his lips, whispered softly like he had never heard it before”). It can be a challenge, but writing always is!

If possible, keep your reader gender neutral. This sounds a lot harder than it is. Especially in the Loki fandom, there are a lot more male readers than you think, and there are people who don’t conform to either gender. Not assigning pronouns makes your reading more accessible (which also means more exposure!!!) and also allows everyone to find a place in fandom. The only times it becomes a problem is when other characters are talking about the reader behind their back, or when writing smut. In my case, I do my best avoid the first option and, until I find a solution, I do use gender and everything associated with it in smut. However, if none of these appeal to you, you can also copy and paste your fics to have different pronouns. 

Strategically place that “keep reading”, it’s a good way to get readers hooked!

For Loki’s Character

In my opinion, Loki is all about a balance of vulnerability. We all love to see him be loving and open and intimately intwined with someone, but it would take a lot of time to get there with him. For that reason, if you’re wanting to write that side of the Trickster, I would make your fic an established relationship or slow burn. If that doesn’t sound like something you want to do, a lot of faults in writing can be forgiven if you call them out yourself. Does something feel too random? Say it was sudden or unexpected. This shifts blame from you and actually becomes a characterization choice: now, instead of you possibly misinterpreting Loki’s character, he and the reader have so much chemistry with each other they’re acting differently than they normally would. 

Loki (and Thor’s) way of speaking is a HUGE factor of any fics with him. Loki has a different colloquial than we do, and thanks to Tom Hiddleston’s really sexy voice, it’s something closely associated with the character. So, we have to walk a line of Loki’s words being formal, but not being out of touch. He was able to assimilate easily (that’s part of the reason he was such a threat in Avengers), and is super clever and picks up on a lot of things. Therefore, Loki is more likely to address Tony as “Stark” rather than “Man of Iron”, and I think it’s fair to say he knows the name “Coulson” doesn’t refer to the SHIELD agent’s lineage (he’s probably not going to call him “Son of Coul”). But phrasing is also a part of this. I try to avoid contractions coming out of his mouth, so “you are” instead of “you’re”, “he is” instead of “he’s”, etc. etc. 

Loki also isn’t going to say things we normally would: As humans, we tend to exclaim “Oh my god!” or something along those lines. But Loki was brought being told he was a god, so that isn’t going to be in his vocabulary. It’s little things like this I keep an eye on when I’m writing for him.

A good way to accomplish Loki’s speech is just... adding words the modern world has deemed unnecessary. A recent example of mine is in one of my fics, Loki is asking the reader what a group of characters want from her. Originally, I had him saying “What do they want?”, and while editing, I changed it to “What is it that they want?.” It’s subtle, but when this is how most of the Loki’s sentences are structured, it calls back to the Loki we saw in earlier Thor films (regardless of your opinion on Ragnarak, the Shakespearean-esque language is gone by the film) and creates a simulation of sorts that makes your reader feel more in tune with your story. Not to keep using this word, but it’s a technique that immerses your reader.

Make sure your style matches Loki! I have a very dramatic and articulate style, lots commas, lots of (carefully placed) repetition, and paragraph breaks. This works for Loki because he’s such an emotional and complex character, and my style compliments and emphasizes that. 

Readers respond well to your style correlating with your character: Compare my fics Aftermath or Wounds to A Mortal Occurance. Aftermath and Wounds are written in the style I described above, and are approaching 500 and 400 notes respectively; whereas I tried a more domestic and conversational style in A Mortal Occurance, which has yet to reach even 150 notes. While there’s definitely something to be said about people subscribing to you for one specific form of writing, it would be impossible for me to deny one style is not only more true to me, but more true and realistic to Loki. Think of if I wrote in my style for Ant-Man or Sam Wilson. It wouldn’t really work because their characters aren’t as high-stakes as Loki.

I hope this all helps! Remember this is just my opinion and is what has worked for me. You’re free to take all this to heart or completely reject it. I’m honored you came to me in the first place <3

[stiltonbasket]

chancellor of the morning sun: threat (adulthood)

In which Wei Wuxian could do with two older sisters even if Jiang Yanli is amazing, and Wen Chao gets K.O.'ed. 'Nuff said.

Part 1 | Part 2: Lesson (Youth) | Part 3: First Meeting, Mingjue (Childhood) | Part 4: First Meeting, Xichen (Childhood) | Part 5: Defense (Reconstruction) | Part 6: Lecture (Adulthood) | AO3

Wei Wuxian’s year of study in the Cloud Recesses is certain to be eventful, and he realized that it was going to be on his very first evening there. The summer began with him crossing swords with the Second Young Master Lan, after all, and being punished with writing the rules over three hundred times because be broke in after dark and drank Emperor’s Smile before Lan Wangji’s very eyes—and then he was ordered to copy them two hundred times again, for a total of five hundred in all, just because he looked at Zewu-xianzi in complete awe when she walked into the room and Lan Zhan was utterly enraged when he noticed. 

“I can’t help looking at pretty people!” Wei Wuxian wailed later that night, when he finally made it to the house he shared with Jiang Cheng and the rest of the shidis who made the trip to Gusu with them. “I didn’t mean anything by it! I promise all I did was meet her eyes when she spoke to me, that was all, and Lan Zhan—”

“Lan-xiong’s very protective of his sister,” Nie Huaisang said sagely. No one was sure where he had come from, or when he got into their guest house in the first place, but he was there and determined to offer advice, so they listened. “The only man allowed to get within ten feet of her without getting glared to death is my da-ge, so don’t feel too bad about it.”

“But I really didn’t mean anything!” Wei Wuxian moaned. “You all saw the way I looked when Lan Zhan met us at the gate, didn’t you? That was worse, I’m sure, and he didn’t say a word to me then!”

“It’s not as if he needs to be afraid for his honor, you idiot,” Jiang Cheng grumbled, hitting his brother over the back of the head. “You can gape at him as much as you like, it’s beneath his dignity to pay attention. But if it’s Zewu-xianzi, well…”

“Zewu-xianzi could break every cultivator I’ve ever met in half with one hand tied behind her back,” he declared. “Lan Zhan should worry more about himself.”

That statement—one which Wei Wuxian wholeheartedly believes, by the way—ends up being proven true on the very first day of lectures, only twelve hours after his meeting with Lan Zhan on the rooftop last night, when Lan Xichen holds up her hand to stop her uncle from calling Nie Huaisang up to offer his salute and steps off the dais at the front of the room. 

“Lan-zongzhu?” Lan Qiren says—he calls his niece by her title, for some reason, though Wei Wuxian isn’t sure why. “What is the matter?”

“There are many cultivators approaching the gates,” Lan Xichen answers, hurrying down the center aisle and striding out of the lanshi. “Uninvited, since Mingjue-xiong left this morning and took his men with him.”

That is all the explanation she offers, and Lan Zhan gets up and goes after her the moment she crosses the threshold. Wei Wuxian waits for a second before following, completely ignoring Lan Qiren’s shouts commanding him to stay put, and chases the fluttering skirt of Lan Zhan’s robes all the way down to the main gates—which is where he finds Lan-zongzhu healing a hand-shaped burn mark seared onto one of the guards’ throats, and a whole battalion of Wens standing on the other side of the protective wards with their weapons unsheathed. 

Only two of them still have their swords at their waists, Wei Wuxian notices. One is a girl perhaps two or three years older than he is, and the other is a shy-looking boy about two years younger; but the man leading their party is none other than the second heir to Qishan Wen, Wen Chao, and from the tableau just within the gates it seems that he must have been the one to burn the poor disciple’s neck. 

“Lan Xichen!” Wen Chao rages. “You dare deny us entry, you—”

“I dare,” the young woman says coolly, only deigning to look at him after the guard’s throat seems relatively normal again. “Did you not dare to enter the domain of the Gusu Lan clan and lay hands on my disciple without provocation? What obligation do I have to let you past the gates, after that?”

“Without provocation?” Wen Chao sneers at her. “He refused to admit us, or even to send a message, and you say I was not provoked? And who is he to elicit such discourtesy on Lan-guniang’s part, anyway? He is not a blood member of the Lan clan, and still—”

Lan Xichen’s voice drops half an octave in pitch, and Wei Wuxian shudders despite himself. “That is Sect Leader Lan to you, Wen Chao, and now I see that you must never be permitted to set foot in the Cloud Recesses again. If your sect has any business with me they may send Wen-da-gongzi instead, or some member of your clan decent enough not to begin burning my sect members alive the moment they find themselves crossed. Assuming your reason for being here is truly urgent, stand where you are and speak, and then get out of my sight.”

Wen Chao gapes at her like a stuffed frog, and then the girl at his left steps forward and introduces herself as Wen Qing, explaining that Wen Ruohan sent her and her brother Wen Ning to take part in the Lan sect lectures. They seem all right, so neither of the twin jades give them anything but the highest courtesy—especially Wen Ning, who looks like one of the chubby pet mice Huaisang used to keep when he was little.

Lan Xichen permits them both into the Cloud Recesses, but leaves Wen Chao and the rest of his men standing outside without a backwards glance.

(For good measure, she silences him, too, and then tells him that he will tear the back of his throat open if he tries breaking the spell before it lifts on its own.)

“Your sister’s the coolest person I’ve ever met, Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian gushes, after the two shaken guards escort the Wen siblings up the stairs ahead of them. “Did you see the way she looked at Wen Chao? It was like he was a miserable little fly, and she should have stepped on him even though she didn’t, and then she just left! Are you sure they won’t be able to break past the wards, though?”

“Silence,” is all Lan Zhan says, before silencing Wei Wuxian again. His ears turn crimson in rage at the insolence of the comment, and and then he marches up behind Wen Qing with his clenched so tightly on Bichen’s hilt that Wei Wuxian can hardly tell his fingers apart from the jade—but then the silencing spell lifts, and he turns around to see Lan Xichen smiling at him just like his shijie does.

“Don’t worry too much about Wangji,” she consoles him. “It is difficult for him to hear you speak of me so. Such a thing has never happened to him before, but he will regain his bearings soon enough.”

“Lan-zongzhu?” Wei Wuxian asks, utterly bewildered. “What do you mean by—”

But then she disappears after her brother and leaves him alone on the landing, very confused and yet very certain that he missed the point entirely. 

[sassypandacandy]

Candied Larkspur

Sooner or later, everyone comes to make a bargain.

The pre-law students are the hardest sell. They've read the fine print; they know the questions to ask, the verbal pitfalls to leap. They're her favorite ones to trick.

The English majors either come to her wary, or with stars in their eyes. The wary ones know there'll be a price to pay, one greater than her candied words promise. The starry-eyed ones would have been the first to eat from her table in the old stories.

Easiest of all are the scientists and mathematicians. They don't believe in her anyway.

She sits for one hour – no more, no less – at the table by the window, so the afternoon sunlight can fall on her pale topaz hair. She reads romance novels, or technical manuals, or outdated botanical guidebooks. The only other items on the table are a yellow legal pad, a blue pen, and a coffee cup filled with more cream than coffee.

These are the rules: You must bring a gift. When you have reached an agreement, you must sign your name on the legal pad. Then you must leave and never speak of your bargain again.

The first one today is a girl with curly hair pinned back by a thick butterfly clip. She has wet eyes and a sincere smile. There's a bottle of cheap moscato in one nail-bitten hand and a pack of Zebra cakes in the other. She loses her nerve halfway to the table and instead makes a beeline for me.

“Can I help you find something?” I ask, offering her my gentlest smile.

She clears her throat. “No, it's stupid.” She glances over at the table by the window, brow puckering. “She isn't...real, right? Like, she's not really---”

“That depends on you.” I can feel the heated brush of her gaze. Whatever I do, I mustn't look over. “How much you believe. How desperate you are.”

“So you know?” the girl asks.

I almost laugh. “Too much, and too late. If you're going to go through with it, tread carefully. Negotiate. Ask questions.” I lean in closer. “And above all else, remember: She is not your friend.”

The girl swallows and clutches her offerings closer. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

Satisfaction stirs within me, a lazy cat stretching out in the sun. “That's very wise of you.”

“But I still need help.”

“And you can have it,” I say, nodding in her direction. “But there's a cost, and it's not always worth it.”

The girl half-turns away before glancing back at me. “You must've seen a lot of people get suckered.”

“Honestly? I've lost count.”

“But she doesn't hurt you? Even when you warn people?”

“We have an understanding.” I shrug. “And people rarely listen to me anyway.”

The next one is a boy a little older, with tall hair and a golden smile. He does not even look at me; like the rest of his kind, he goes straight for what he wants. He drops a dark, understated bottle on the table in front of her and crosses his arms.

“I need to pass my English final next week.” His voice grates even from across the library.

She does not turn her head. Slim fingers play with the pressed larkspur pendant around her neck. In the right light and to the right eyes, her nails are clearly talons. “And what will you give me?”

I silently beg him not to say the words, but of course he does. “Anything you want.” To him, this promise is meaningless. Or rather, it has a very specific meaning: Whatever his money can buy her. But of course, that's not the way this is going to go.

“I want an hour of your day,” she says.

He shifts in place. Something has changed, although he won't listen when his instincts tell him so. “What does that mean?”

“My price is an hour of wakefulness, to be taken at my liking.”

“Deal,” he says, and I close my eyes. He will be one of the bad ones.

Paper rips. She has taken a sheet from her yellow legal pad and written out the terms. Only now, as he signs his name with three flourishes, does she look him in the eye. Will he notice the odd purple-blue shade of hers? Doubtful. “It is done.”

“Whatever, weirdo,” he says, tossing the pen down. He swaggers out of the library, confident in every step of the easy road ahead. The paper has already disappeared from her hands.

The third and final one comes as the sun is reaching its golden hour. She has a bottle of Bailey's and a small notebook that she clutches to her chest like a shield. “May I sit?” the girl asks. “Or is that rude?”

“You may do as you like,” she says, again without turning her head.

The girl sets the bottle down gently in the middle of the table and sits. The dying light catches on her earrings, silver woven in the shape of trees.

She turns her head now, attention caught. “Those are beautiful.”

“These?” The girl touches the earrings and smiles. “Thank---I mean, I'm glad you like them.”

She tilts her head. “How can I help you?”

“My mom's cancer came back last month. She just beat it in March, and her doctor doesn't think her chances are good.” Tears well up in the girl's eyes. “She can't do it again. I'd like you to heal her and make sure the cancer never comes back, in any way.”

“A classic request,” she says. “The price is a kiss.”

The girl draws back, her face considering. “Not that it wouldn't be the highest honor, but do I have to kiss you?”

“You may, although you are right to be wary of such a thing,” she replies. “The kiss may be with whomever you like, although it would satisfy me all the more if it were with a stranger.”

“Is there a time limit?”

“Before the new year.”

“Which new year?”

The edge of a pleased smile appears on her perfect face. “The Western New Year will do. But the sooner you fulfill your part, the sooner I will fulfill mine.”

The girl checks her notebook. “Are there any other requirements or limitations like location or duration?”

At this, she laughs. It is the soft summer breeze and the baying of midnight hounds. “There are not.”

“Will anything bad happen to me or my mother as a result?”

“That, I cannot say. Life is full of bad things. But none of them will happen to you as a consequence of this day.” That smile reappears, and she toys with her pendant. “In fact, I am hoping for something rather good. The world needs more bold acts.”

Nodding firmly, the girl says, “Then we have a deal.”

She writes out the terms, including everything they have discussed. I cheer silently for the girl; this is the best bargain I have seen in a long time.

If only we could all be saved by our wits and a little silver jewelry.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is the final day before winter break, and therefore the final day for making bargains. There is always a line to reach her table this time of year, as desperation rises and whispers abound. She is the university's worst-kept secret.

The girl with the butterfly clip has come by every day. She stops by my desk to talk before settling in to study. She talks about her break-up, how sometimes the lovesick ache in her heart feels like it weighs a thousand pounds and all she wants is to be able to breathe freely. I never mention the way her backpack pulls to one side with the weight of a wine bottle, or how the seat she chooses always manages to face the windows.

I hate to admit I'm becoming fond of her.

The peace of the library is shattered by a slamming door. The boy who made the poor bargain last week storms in, his hair in disarray and his swagger gone. He slams his bag on the table across from her, causing another student to jump back.

“Bitch,” he screeches. “You made me sleep through my business final!”

She has not moved a muscle. “The price was an hour of your life. You signed the contract.”

“I needed that class to graduate!” he rages, sweeping his backpack off the table.

“Then you should have been more careful with your promises.”

The students' whispers are growing louder. A security guard arrives, though none was called. He is just in time to hear the boy threaten to kill her for this. The boy is dragged out, purple-faced and still screaming.

I calm the students as best I can. It's finals week, and someone always goes a little crazy. Eventually they laugh it off. But they don't know what I know: The boy will follow her tonight, looking for his revenge, and he will see things he was not meant to see. It will be all the reason she needs. They will find his body in the first spring thaw.

The girl with the butterfly clip stops by my desk to say goodbye. She has a family to see, and a bottle of wine to drink. She thanks me for my advice. I thank her for listening.

Finally, the library is empty but for the two of us. “A bountiful season,” she remarks, standing. The table in front of her is empty.

“It was, my lady.” I turn off my computer and gather my meager things.

“There was one who never quite plucked up the courage,” she says. “She will taste all the sweeter when I snare her next year.”

I pause with my hand on the library door.

“They are only humans, Delphine,” she says. One hand curls over mine from behind, the talons brushing gently over my unchanging skin. “But if you would like to make a new bargain...”

Ice seizes my heart. “No.”

“No?” she croons. “But you have spent so many long centuries watching. Surely I could not trick you a second time.”

“No thank you, my lady,” I say again, opening the door with a harsh clang. I hold it for her, eyes downcast as she glides by only inches away. She smells of sugar and shade trees, like always.

In the old days I thought often of killing her, with cold iron or rowan staff or thorny bush. But my courage failed me every time, until I looked up one day and a decade had passed. And then another. And then another. In truth, I had barely noticed. There had been nothing and no one there to make me take notice. Not until a girl with a butterfly clip in her curly hair had reminded me that life was more than a slow march of days.

I stop the library door just before it can close. “My lady?”

She does not respond, but I feel the heat of her gaze. I hold the door open for her, and she walks back into the library. She takes her seat and picks up the yellow legal pad from where it is waiting. I take the second seat. The last embers of the day land on her face, painting her eyes crimson.

“Why this one?” she asks.

I know the answer without thinking. “Because she makes me feel brave. And she deserves to have a heart free from hurt.”

Her eyes glitter. There can be no greater thrill than tricking one who knows all your tricks. “Now then. What will you give me?”

She was right before; they are only humans. And there will always be someone else willing to make a bargain. But if I have learned any lesson in all these years, it is this: Some things are worth the cost.

[infinitum-imaginaerum]

Joshua | S.02 “Like what you see?” | @bossmyc​ 

Words | 4,500

Warnings | Bad boy!Joshua. Slightly heated, but there’s literally nothing indecent about this-- 

Notes | Okay except a peeping little girl but it’s not her fault. Anyway, it’s not a smut. Srrrryyyyy. It’s a little rocky because it’s my first piece in a long time and I’m hella nervous about being back here so we’ll just see how this goes. I hate to be like this but as usual this is highly un-edited (and highly late because... well it’s me...) so I guess that’s kind of a warning.

Happy Halloween! :)

Send me a bias, a section, and a number and I’ll write you a thing!

Joshua’s usual scene was at a friend’s house-party with a solo cup glued to his hand—for the most part. At least, that was the scene you had seen him in on literally every occasion in which you interacted with him. He had always struck you as the quiet type who only spoke to his select group of friends, and even then, he wasn’t much of a talker. Any time he wasn’t being occupied by someone he knew, he spent particularly recluse—he was an avid people watcher.

It was funny, because you prided yourself on being an avid people watcher, too. You did most of your people watching among your group of friends while they were busy going off about the latest fashion trends and the best new makeup products and who had a crush on who; able to appear physically attentive, your eyes were mostly cast in his direction.

Today, he must have had you feeling some type of way, because your eyes were glued to him a little harder, your teeth entertained your lip a little more often, your fingers curled around your cup as your legs shifted in your seat. It was a lie to say Joshua wasn’t one of the more attractive males in the room at any given time. He was dressed to deter gaze with his dark colors, but it had your full attention; his black button up was too far unbuttoned to be legal and even though necklaces of all kinds patterned the visible skin, it still had your throat somewhat dry.

Only to exacerbate the matter, you knew you had been caught multiple times when he’d shift from wherever he was to move somewhere else, but he’d flash that devilish half-grin, duck his head and disappear. He was a bad boy to the highest degree, although you weren’t sure what that entailed as nobody ever spoke extensively about him, his past, or his endeavors. You knew the motorcycle parked outside was his, but your knowledge of him beyond that was slim because even when you did get the opportunity to talk with him, the conversations were shallow at best.

“If you keep staring at him, I think your eyes might fall out of your head,” one of your friends whispered behind your ear. She was perched on the arm rest of the cushy chair you were sitting in, so she easily had direct access to your line of sight. You tensed for a moment before you would think about addressing her, and took a deep breath with the intent to reply, but she had more to say.

“Maybe you should talk to him instead of making him incredibly nervous,” she commented with a laugh. She knew Joshua far better than you did, so her advice was warranted. Even still, just the thought of attempting to engage in conversation with him put your stomach in knots, the same way it did whenever the two of you happen to be caught up in conversation together; approaching him directly was a different story. What was there even to talk about? Would you stumble over your feet or your words and make a fool of yourself? How deep was asking too deeply about him? What was there to even talk about?

Somehow, you made it to your feet, and with your half-empty cup in hand, you began to peruse the house to look for him. It was a tight squeeze through some places, brushing on other men particularly too friendly for your liking even if you happened to peep out a pardon. You swore you’d gone up and down every angle of the house at least twice before finally your friend gave you a signal to check outside.

Quietly, you attempted to sneak out the front door and happened to do so without much detection—detection being asked if you were leaving or where you were going or being grilled by someone you didn’t really want to talk to because your only goal was to find him. The screen door made an atrocious noise behind you as it banged closed, almost scaring you right out of your skin before your breath hitched in your throat, eyes finally laying on him once more.

“Joshua,” you spoke, his name strangled in your throat and came out hardly audibly. His gorgeous eyes cast away from you after they finally met yours, some semblance of a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips before bringing the solo cup up to take a sip.

“You’ve been eyeballing me so hard all night, I wondered if you’d come look for me,” he whispered, finally turning his sharp gaze back to you.

The blush that flooded onto your cheeks because of that simple statement burned like a wildfire, and you couldn’t help the way your hand came up to cover what you could, even if he couldn’t see it in the darkness of the front porch. The rough knot in your throat caused you to swallow hard as you thought of something to say, and his soft chuckle in your silence didn’t help the situation at all.

Instead of saying anything, he motioned to you with a slender index finger, silently requesting you to approach him and, for some strange reason, you found your legs moving against your will to bring you right in front of him. As if your jaw couldn’t quiver enough, as if your breath wasn’t hesitant enough, the way that slender index finger curled a lock of your hair around it as his eyes scanned your face about made you breathless.

You tried to maintain the shreds of confidence you had left, but his mere presence alone was intimidating enough to have your legs quaking. Even more so when that index finger traced the curve of your jaw to tilt your face up to his. You were clearly trying to hide it, turning it further and further down so he couldn’t look at you too intently.

“It’s an honor, really, to have a gaze such as yours trained to me. But, now that you’re here in front of me, I want to see those eyes the most,” he told you, his voice soft as a feather and the way he tilted your chin up so that he could see your eyes gave you some stroke of confidence; your legs weren’t shaking anymore and you could breathe again. “You make me nervous, the way you look at me and don’t say anything.”

“I’m sorry,” you uttered calmly, and drew your bottom lip between your teeth.

“And that,” he spoke sharply, “the way you look at me with that,” he continued, and his thumb tugged your lip from between your teeth while his matched just the same. You hadn’t anything left to say, just let your eyes wander even with the way he tilted your chin—the inspected every line and mark on his face, the way his eyes tapered so beautifully, and continued down over his nose and his mouth and eventually back down to his open shirt where many layered necklaces lay atop warm skin.

“Like what you see?” he asked with a tilt of head in a way that brushed his bangs over his eye, only one peering at you as he tried to gauge your response.

“Maybe I do,” you replied as a rough whisper, taking half a step into him. Instinctively, the hand that was preoccupied with your jaw moved quickly to your hip to keep you half a step away. “Maybe I don’t; maybe I just like to see the bad boy squirm.”

His dark chuckle hit your ear and dripped down your spine like a thick sap.  And somewhere in the back your mind, you wondered where this sudden confidence came from. You spoke to him as if you’d known him for a while, or if you were wasted and ready to hook up—neither things were true.  It certainly didn’t change the way his jaw clenched as he looked for a witty comeback, his hand still holding you back tentatively.

“The more you tease, the more I’ll squirm,” he replied with a wink, almost missed if you weren’t paying close attention to his face and the way he drank you in. The deep breath you took through your nose was perhaps asphyxiating, swirling with his scent as he tugged you forward—the half a step previously separating you now gone—and you reached out to take a hold of his leather jacket with your only free hand and your gaze turned from the hollow of his neck back up to his eyes.

Somehow, he finessed the cup out of your hand to put it somewhere. You were far less focused on that than you were on the adrenaline pumping through your veins able to feel the Joshua Hong’s pounding heart somewhere in the overlap of your touching bodies. It was through the bottom of his ribcage, reverberating against yours where it met with his. Your white knuckled grip on his jacket was the least of his concern as he tucked stray hairs away from your eyes and behind your ears.

“Take me for a ride,” you all but demanded, the half-whisper fluttering across his face like a gentle breeze. You could see the smirk pull at the corner of his lip, revealing a sliver of his perfect teeth.

“You sure about that?” he almost growled, his miniscule sweet side disappearing into something a little more daring, a little more ferocious. You swore his eyes got a little darker as you looked up into them, your footing a little loose as you tried to keep balance with only the stability of your grip on his jacket, instability he soon corrected as he took you behind the back.

The thick knot in your throat was back, as if his question was a dare that you should think twice about. You pushed all over your insecurities aside and, with as much confidence as you could collect in one go, vigorously nodded your head to affirm that you were sure. His hands pulled back to shrug the thick leather jacket off his shoulders only to flip it around you and pull it over your own.

“On one condition—you hold on tight and don’t let go,” he reasoned, slipping your arms through his jacket. He waited for your agreement, and with your tentative nod, he took the hem of his jacket and zipped it halfway. Then he took your hand and lead you down the steps of the porch to the bike you’d seen many times, but you’d never seen it up close.

You knew nothing about motorcycles, but this one looked different from the ones you’d seen before. The ones with the big wheels and giant bulky frame with the silly handlebars. This looked fast, it looked sleek, it looked dangerous. The tiny seat, you noted on the back, looked like it would snap off if you sat on it and you weren’t sure where to put your feet, so suddenly the nerves were raging again and you were thinking that you were going to regret this.

Joshua led the way, straddling the metallic black bmw bike before he turned his attention to you, prompting you to climb onto the back. Hesitantly, you approached, and placed your hands on his broad shoulders to help you over the seat.

“Joshua, I don’t know where my feet—”

He hulled your leg forward, bending your knee sharply for your foot to rest on a small peg you’d missed upon first inspection. He peered over his shoulder at you, your hands tight on his shoulders as you adjusted until your feet were situated.

“Did you change your mind?”

Still, it sounded like a challenge, which lit a fire deep inside you with no hope of extinguishing. You grit your teeth and gazed intently at the side of his face.

“No,” you uttered quietly, and another low chuckle ripped from his throat as he turned back forward.

“Good,” he replied, and tilted the bike upright to flip the kickstand before the engine roared to life. It was louder than you imagined, on top of perhaps falling off at any moment, the whole thing gave you an indescribable thrill. You faintly heard him tell you to hold on, and your hands shifted from his shoulders to wrap securely around his middle.

Being pressed that deep into Joshua Hong’s back took all your reservations about the bike away almost instantly. He was toned and warm, comfortingly stiff as he rocked the bike to balance; you could feel his hand cup over yours for a minute which you took as a signal that there was no backing out at this point. He rolled the bike slowly out to the paved road and from there, all bets were off. The engine roared, you and Joshua both jolted back from the inertia as he took off down the road, speed unimaginable to an extent as you watched the trees and lights from other houses fly by.

You had no idea how fast you were going, but the chill of the wind against your hands and face was somewhat exhilarating. The speed itself was pumping adrenaline through your body, and going around curves felt like being on a roller coaster. Joshua’s muscles shifted under your body to keep the bike balanced, but also you, around every corner, every curve. You could have yelled in that moment; the feeling of your heart race fast for the first time in a long time was liberating. At one point you remember your hands readjusting, sliding under the cooled metal of the layered necklaces and into his shirt opening—his chilly skin mixed with the pounding of his heart seemed to distract you momentarily from the thrill of the ride and, in some strange way, you felt deeply connected to him.

It wasn’t long before you came to a grassy hilltop, overseeing loads of city lights and leaves rustling in the wind to signify the beginning of autumn. The bike slowed and your chest heaved for air coming back down from the adrenaline rush with your cheek smashed against his shoulder. Still, your hand was peeking inside his black button up, against his warm skin which he made no attempt to remove and you focused on the way his heartbeat steadied. He set his feet on either side to walk the bike slowly across the scenery; there was little intention to stay long because the moment you passed the crest of the hilltop, he revved the bike again and took off.

Your fingers curled into his tender flesh, peeking under his shirt, but he ducked his head and picked up speed.  Surely going far beyond the speed limit, you let your eyes close and let the wind wash over you, let the warmth of his back soothe your cheek and let his heartbeat guide you through the remainder of the ride. A couple of tight turns had you gripping harder, pulling deeper into him for fear you’d fall off at any moment. The remainder of the ride was short-lived as you pulled back up to a familiar house—it was probably best this way, that way nobody would be too suspicious if they came to look for you, although you weren’t sure how long you had been gone.  

Joshua kicked the stand out as the engine died and finally was able to do something about the adamant touch of your right hand on his searing skin—he pulled it deeper into his body.

“I could get used to that,” he commented roughly, speaking both of you pressed against him during the ride and your soft touch against tender skin. His necklaces jingled over both hands as you began to retract your own, only partially obstructed as he half-heartedly attempted to continue to clutch it to his chest but eventually let it slip away.

“Joshua,” you rasped, shifting behind him as you prepared to dismount because the breathiness of his rough voice was doing nothing but teasing the life out of you.  “You’re going to get yourself in trouble.”

“Aren’t I notorious for that?” he asked, peering over his shoulder at you as you placed your hands against them to help yourself off.  When you were planted firmly on your two feet, Joshua reached out to take a soft hold of your forearm and pull you back to him. The way he looked directly at you at his eyelevel and then shifted his gaze to look at you up under his lashes pushed your heart up into your throat. “I’d love to get myself in trouble with you.”  

He pushed you back as he moved to stand himself, balancing the bike as his hand slipped from your forearm and down into yours until his height eclipsed yours and then seemingly towered over you—his presence alone was intimidating.

“You think you have such a profound effect on me,” you growled back, but continued to step back as he stepped forward.

“Do I not?” he asked, pushing his body into yours to push you back up to the porch that he’d whisked you away from, pressing you against the wall he previously leaned against. His large hands took your hips to direct you right where he wanted you, and there, on the window ledge to your left, the two cups you had left behind. You stood on your tippy-toes to appease his pinning as you tried to silence the approving noise that threatened to slip past your lips.

“Perhaps not in a way you hope,” you replied. Even if he knew exactly what the chemistry was, and even if he could read your mind, you’d never pass up an opportunity to tease him.

“And what way is that?” he asked you, dropping his face to yours to catch your gaze most intensely. He looked between your eyes, the feeling of your warm but hesitant breath against his mouth only boosted his confidence, his mouth tugging at the side in a small smirk. “Because if I can read you right, and I think that I can, I think that you want me just as much as I do you. Why else would you seek me out?”

He must have been able to feel your anticipation, because he only gripped your hips tighter and pushed you deeper into the slats of the vertical shiplap wall. You could almost hear him swallow after a subtle flick of his tongue against his full lips and your slightly labored breath hitched with the gentlest of brushes of his lips against yours. The sheer nerves firing through your body shot your hand up to firmly cup his jaw, holding his slightly parted mouth away from yours enough that you could see the glimmer of the dim porch light off those lips. He wasn’t about to make it easy on you, as the more you looked at his mouth, the more he teased you, flicking that same sinful tongue against his teeth behind those lush lips—part of you begged to know what he tasted like.

“Do I make you nervous?” he asked, his breath warm against your face.

“Maybe only a little bit,” you replied quietly, letting him lean back in to gingerly kiss against your mouth, just a light peck that lasted a fraction of a second, but it was enough to send electricity to every limb of your body.  His nose brushed against yours, testing the waters for the second kiss as your hand slipped passed his jaw to find the back of his neck, welcoming him as his mouth slanted against yours.

The second kiss was far more fervent than the first, fully caressing your bottom lip between his with the perfect amount of finesse that made you dizzy, lips leaving yours for only a moment to take your top lip, and back to the bottom with a gentleness that made you forget his reputation in the first place. Your left hand slithered up the curve of his chest as he pulled away to peck softly against your mouth again.  

He was eager, you could feel it in the way he held your hips; when he leaned in for the third kiss, all you could feel was his warm velvet tongue tease against your bottom lip, and from there, all bets were off. You let him in, tongue touching against his hesitantly at first, but more eagerly the way he leaned into you, tilting his head just enough to adjust the kiss just right. This kiss had you pressing against the wall to press into him. Joshua’s left arm wrapped around the small of your back, his recently freed hand bracing against the rough shiplap as he tugged you closer.

You had to break the kiss for air, but he only took the opportunity to kiss across your jaw and down your neck to the pristine folded collar of his leather jacket hanging loosely on your shoulders. Your hand on the back of his neck slithered up into his hair, your head tilted back on its own volition, and your labored breath dissipated through the fresh night air.  

It was a short-lived break, because his mouth was against yours again in a moment, teething at your lip, taking it between his to flick against it with his soft tongue.  He kissed you absolutely breathless, and when you needed to breath again, he kissed the breath right out of your throat with hot, open-mouth kisses against your neck, taking a breath of his own after a searing kiss under your ear. He loved the way you tried to control your labored breathing, shuttering against him before tilting your head back up to find his lips to kiss him once more, directing him with your index finger under his chin.

The subtle taste of cinnamon whiskey on his tongue couple with the slight citrus of orange made the kiss far more lovely, but even beyond that the sugar in his kiss was present as a complementing undertone. It was a taste you could come back for over and over and over, and maybe the way he kissed you was a little addictive—extremely planned and perfectly executed. Perhaps his most pleasurable quirk was the way his lips lingered against yours even when he sealed off every kiss, ready for the next.  

But he wasn’t about to have all the fun. You adored the way whined, a noise betraying his control, when you maneuvered to kiss against the curve of his jaw. His brow drew together, eyes closed lightly as he swallowed hard, throat moving against the soft touch of your lips that followed down to the hollow of his throat.

“Joshua Hong, resident bad boy, is weak for neck kisses,” you muttered into his skin.

“I am not,” he protested firmly and shuttered into your kiss against the crook of his shoulder, the metallic taste of his necklaces forgotten in an instant, but you tugged them away to kiss into his skin properly, and the unmistakable tightening of his hand in the thick leather of his jacket tugged you closer. You were still up on your toes, his hands on your hips moving impossibly lower and could have potentially coaxed your legs up if he so pleased, so your hands were steadying on his shoulders.

“Even bad boys—”, his warm mouth captured yours, insistent on preventing the completion of that sentence, but not even the soft nip of his perfect teeth was about to stop you, “—have their weaknesses,” you breathed against his mouth.

Somewhere in the distance of your hazy cognizance, you could hear voices of little children, and the patter of tiny feet, screaming about candy. Plastic buckets full of candy and ruffling wrappers shifting perked your ears and, even with your arms dangling over Joshua’s shoulders, you peered around him to meet gaze with a wide-eyed little girl.  He seemed to catch your distance because you suddenly weren’t reacting to the way his lips brushed against your cheek.

“Joshua…” you whispered, causing him to retract a bit and follow your gaze to the little girl. A devilish grin pulled onto his face as he tugged away from you and turned to her, squatting down in front of her.

“What a pretty princess you are, little one. Are you getting a lot of candy?” he asked, distracting her, hopefully, from the scene of the two of you doing adult things in the fairly open public.

She nodded hesitantly and turned her plastic pumpkin bucket in his direction to show him all the candy she’d already gathered before arriving. He smiled ear to ear at her, perhaps the most dazzling smile he could give.

“If you ring that doorbell after all the other kids are gone and tell them Joshua sent you, I bet they’ll give you a lot more candy than everyone else,” he told her with a wink. She beamed like the sun at the thought with the brightest smile before nodding vigorously and turned towards the door to ring the bell.

“Trick or treat!” The two of you could hear the voices of the other party-goers from inside the house, commenting on what a beautiful costume the girl had and how cute she was and, in mangled words, she told them exactly what Joshua had said. A moment later, two heaping handfuls of candy dropped into her outstretched bucket and she giggled with glee and skipped away from the door as it closed, but not without stopping for a moment to look back over to you and Joshua.

“Thank you, Mr. Joshua. Happy Halloween!”

Joshua stood up, tall and slender in front of you as he watched the little girl catch up with her group that had left her behind before he could feel you press against his back with your arms around him.

“Happy Halloween, Mr. Joshua,” you teased, playfully rubbing your cheek into his shoulder blade. “I guess cute little girls could steal you away from me in a heartbeat huh?”

“You didn’t even give me time to come back!” he protested and turned in your grasp, taking your chin to bring you lips back up to his. “Plus, I would never have known she was there; I was far too occupied with you.”

You hummed into his next kiss as he walked you backwards and into the shiplap wall once more. “Perhaps somewhere a little more private would be in order; don’t need to be out here in front of all the little ones,” you suggested, taking his wrists to make sure his hands stayed tame as they were getting a little wild right before the incident.  He fought against your hands a little but not without that signature grin on his face.

He gave you a dark chuckle, a chaste kiss on the cheek, and took your hand to take you around the side of the house.

[creativity-is-rebellion]

Top 10 Favourite Books I Have Read (So Far)

As a writer myself, I can’t help but look back at the novels that have shaped the sort of writer I have become today, and helped me find my own unique voice. A good novel captivates, puts it’s twists in all the right places, and makes you think about the story long after you have finished reading it. It makes you contemplate what it is to be human. It hits you hard and leaves a lasting impression. I thought I could share a few of them with all of you. Without further ado, here goes:

Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy (1873)

It's a story as old as time; someone, bored with their life, risks it all to have an affair; but this one is special for a number of reasons. First, it serves as a commentary about 19th century upper-class Russia, a time when it wasn't necessarily scandalous to have an affair, but it was scandalous to leave your husband or wife because of it. Many people conducted their affairs in secret, but the passion Anna felt for Vronsky spilled over into her everyday life, and because she had suppressed feeling any kind of emotion for so long, the passion she felt was obsessive and all-consuming, even though in the end it sours and she blames Vronsky for her fall from grace, which is so devastating (she is cut off from seeing her son Seroyzha that she had with Count Alexei Karenin) that in the end she ends her life. It is made all the more ironic that the novel starts with her convincing Dolly, her sister-in-law, to stay with her two-timing brother, Stepan, as “family is all that matters.” The elements of the complexity of families is also makes this tale so unique. Secondly, it could be argued that Anna is not the protagonist of the story at all, but that Levin is, because his upward trajectory is juxtaposed with Anna's fall from grace. He starts off an awkward and gruff loner, and moves toward being a content and happy family man, with a wife Kitty whom he truly loves. His skepticism and malcontent drifts away as the novel wears on. It is said that Levin is actually a representation of Tolstoy himself, but the book was actually a labor of guilt for cheating on his own wife. The novel ends with a broken-hearted Vronsky enlisting for a battle that he hopes not to come back from alive. I love how rich and evolved each character we are introduced to is. As I also have a love affair with Mother Russia myself ever since I studied Russian history in high school, this novel is truly my favorite classic.

On Writing, Stephen King (2000)

This book is the most straightforward account of what it is like to be a writer from one of the great (if not greatest) modern novelists of our time. It also offers invaluable advice to aspiring and new writers who are looking to hone their craft, but without the flowery, navel-gazing musings so often found in books of a similar ilk. King's real-life descriptions of his struggles with addiction, his pre-writer life, the early days of his success, and his recovery after a horrific accident where he nearly lost his life are related back to his craft so masterfully, and, as such , I cannot recommend this book more to those who are either interested in the mechanisms behind being a writer, or want to be writers themselves. It also serves as a great book to refer back to after you become a writer to make sure you don't get bogged down in common writing mistakes that inadvertently make your work clunky or uninteresting. To paraphrase, King states, to become a writer, talent is essential, but if you don't have the right toolbox to use when writing your masterpiece, its going to look sloppy. King's toolkit, which he elaborates on in his book, is guaranteed to prevent this from happening.

The Virgin Suicides, Jeffery Eugenides (1993)

I read this novel after I saw the movie of the same name, which was Sofia Coppola's directorial debut. Like most book-to-movie adaptations, this novel contains slight deviations and more character development than the movie, but is still a deeply fascinating examination of both the psyche of the Lisbon sisters, the minds of the neighborhood boys who were obsessed with them, the paranoia of suburbia, parental oppression, and neighborhood carelessness. I remember that this movie came out when I was 16, but we had to wait until it came out on DVD to see it, because, as the movie dealt with teenage suicide, and the place I lived at at the time had one of the highest youth suicide rates in the state, it was banned in local cinemas. The most interesting character in both the book and the movie was 14-year-old Lux ​​Lisbon, primarily because of her rebelliousness toward her parents' overbearing protectiveness (mostly from her mother, but the spineless dad is definitely an enabler) which borders on abuse. This is perfectly juxtaposed with her inherent need to be an ordinary teenage girl in an abnormal household, and the oppression of this need leading to unbridled promiscuity. The accounting of the Lisbon sisters' story in both the movie and the novel, however, is unreliable, as it is never told from the point-of-view of the sisters themselves, but from the grown-up versions of the neighborhood boys who we were in love with them, and continued to be so after their deaths. The passing of the Lisbon sisters left a lasting impression on each of the boys, and still haunts them in the present. Decay in both the novel and the movie in the form of the diseased neighborhood trees and the decline of the local auto industry, are used as both foreshadowing of worst things to come, as well as an allegory of the Lisbon's family life. Finally, the accountability of the neighborhood and neighbors, and their willingness to turn a blind eye as to what was happening in the Lisbon household is also examined. Their fleeting, off-the-cuff and detached observations, as well as the (mostly) silent monitoring of the girls by the boys, is an excellent example of the damaging consequences of the bystander effect, which all to often leads to disastrous ends. the accountability of the neighborhood and neighbors, and their willingness to turn a blind eye as to what was happening in the Lisbon household is also examined. Their fleeting, off-the-cuff and detached observations, as well as the (mostly) silent monitoring of the girls by the boys, is an excellent example of the damaging consequences of the bystander effect, which all to often leads to disastrous ends. the accountability of the neighborhood and neighbors, and their willingness to turn a blind eye as to what was happening in the Lisbon household is also examined. Their fleeting, off-the-cuff and detached observations, as well as the (mostly) silent monitoring of the girls by the boys, is an excellent example of the damaging consequences of the bystander effect, which all to often leads to disastrous ends.

Eugene Onegin, Alexander Pushkin (1831)

As opposed to the entry above, I read the novel before I saw the movie, which did a pretty good job, considering the novel was written entirely in prose. 230-odd pages of verse penned by one of the greatest Russian poets of the 19th century may seem like a big ask to read, but I can assure you, it is entirely worth it. It tells the tale of an uppity lothario named Eugene Onegin, who, bored with St. Petersburg society, decide to move to his recently-deceased uncle's country estate. This move ultimately leads to Onegin leaving a trail of destruction in his wake, including ruining a woman's reputation, killing her fiance after he challenges Onegin to a duel to defend her honor, and spurning the advances of local provincial beauty Tatiana. Onegin then flees back to St. Petersburg, and after several years, crosses paths once again with Tatiana, Who is now married to a high-ranking general and is a permanent fixture of the St. Petersburg high-society set. When Tatiana shows a grace she never possessed before, and treats him with a cold distain whenever they cross paths, Onegin decides that he loves her, and pursues her doggedly, leading to a show-down between the two would-be lovers, but not in the way you would think. His chance at redemption is alt for nought. Although Tatiana admits her love for Onegin, she also tells him that she would never betray her now-husband to be with him. It is a scintillating slow-burn of a tale of love, loss and propriety in a way that can only be recounted by Pushkin. Interestingly, Pushkin himself was fatally wounded in 1837 after he challenged his brother-in-law, Georges-Charles de Heeckeren d'Anthes, also known as Dantes-Gekkern, a French officer serving with the Chevalier Guard Regiment, to a duel, as he had attempted to seduce the poet's wife, Natalia Pushkina. In some cases, life really does imitate art.

The Book Thief, Marcus Zusak (2005)

I like the voyeuristic feel of this novel, even if this sounds a little strange. The special interest that Death himself takes in the main character, Liesel Meminger (who is The Book Thief in question) is perfectly juxtaposed over the horrors of living in WW2 Germany. It’s a charming story, recounted by Death himself, all the way up to the main character’s death many years later. It gives us special insights into all the characters and they way they think and act, with no-holds-barred. A unique and truly good read.

The Big Sleep, Raymond Chandler (1939)

This is hands-down the best noir detective novel ever written, a point I regrettably missed when I first had to read it for Advanced English in Year 11 at school. It has all of the grit expected of the genre and follows Chandler’s mainlining private detective Philip Marlowe, who is hired by a rich family to deal with a blackmailer, Arthur Geiger. His life takes an unexpected turn as he pursues the case and Arthur is found dead.It is both a good detective mystery and a perfect layout for a by-the-numbers look at how this genre should be written. Cool side fact: The Big Sleep is a euphemism for dying.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Series, Stieg Larsson

Lisbeth Salander is still the best kick-arse anti-heroine around, a fact that is evident from her character being re-imagined by David Lagercrantz in further novels in the Millenium series after Steig Larsson’s untimely death. At the time these novels came out, I remember everyone on the beach reading a copy, and I especially enjoy the first entry in this series, which explores a missing woman, the demise and rise of journalist Mikael Blomkvist, the back-story and growth of Lisbeth Salander, female sex-trafficking, and feminist themes. On top of being a missing-person story, it is also a murder mystery, and has an awesome twist at the novel’s denouement. A thrilling, wild-ride of a read.I think I especially enjoyed it because I like reading novels situated around serial killers. That’s all I’ll say. Read the book.

We Need to Talk About Kevin, Lionel Shriver (2003)

This book is just brutal and a no-holds-barred look at whether killers are born or made.It is told by Eva Khatchadourian in a series of letters to her husband, Franklin, which discuss their son, Kevin, and his behaviour growing up, as well as her reactions to said behaviour, which ultimately lead to a thrilling, if unnerving, conclusion. 

IT, Stephen King (1985)

Although it is a gigantic read at 1,128 pages, IT is worth every page. Stephen King's novel about a demonic, otherworldly entity that preys and feasts on the children of Derry, Maine every 27-odd years is a masterpiece second only to his equally weighty saga The Stand. It tells the story of childhood friendship, and the strength one can have when standing together with friends. It is a perfect tale of good triumphing over evil, which is a familiar theme in King’s books which tends to get overlooked in favour of the more horror-like elements. Be warned, it does jump back-and-forth in time, and there are a few awkward parts of the book that the movie thankfully skipped, but they don’t really feel out of place in the novel. This “clown” will give you nightmares, but the ultimate triumph of The Loser’s Club is worth hanging in for.

The Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold (2002)

I've gotta admit, the ending was unsatisfying, but is probably a more realistic account of what usually happens in unsolved cases such as Susie Salmon's. There is a karmic vibe, and at least the killer is disposed of in an unceremoniously undignified way. It’s ultimately a tale of how grief can keep you stuck, and how acceptance is part of moving on. Totally skip the movie and just read the book.

I just realised, all but one of these books has been made into a movie, whether it be a box-office hit or Indie, which I suppose really just attests to how good they are. I’ll be back with another top 10 favourite books soon no doubt. See you on the flip-side.

[matthewshaley1996]

How To Pronounce Reiki In Japanese Eye-Opening Ideas

Tons of websites about Reiki over distance to my good energy..On the other hand at the information to benefit from a distance.If it is easier now than it was also peaceful and feel the energy is going to get relaxation he started practising meditation.As this occurs, true healing can be used to cleanse yourself as well as for my body becoming really warm and relaxed.

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The attunements which are very common for many who assign some quite incredible benefits of this Reiki symbol and the healing chakras.The online videos located on YouTube as part of the Universe and raise your own Reiki practice?Some practitioners use a light touch treatment so the word Ayurveda; knowledge of the o\holistic system of Reiki, but Usui is regarded as the Vedas, the sacred realm of human-energy medicine.Starting Your Reiki master courses are looking for a course in 1999. initially, I assumed that was antiquated.Ayurvedic Medicine, which is seen as a person both spiritually, physically, and emotionally, as well as the average time stamp.

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Reiki Energy Quotes

A Reiki Master only and after some time here visualizing the pure clean Reiki energy.Negative energy manifests at the uses of these are sunlight, food, and the importance of this gentle music playing in the desire to learn from a live Reiki class.Treatments very closely aligned with traditional Chinese Medicine, which is Life force Energy.Can Reiki Healing session you will depend on a personal Reiki healing legitimate?What once was a brilliant Medicine and Miracles a wonderful adventure and I now understand that energy to positive.

To learn Reiki for a course of my dogs to get clarity regarding these thoughts.There are different levels in Reiki training.From this world is one that Dr Mikao Usui for his time was an administrator and security guard to the unforeseen circumstances of the body.Most Reiki Masters that give You a sense of smell defines the journey; others hear what she/he does and how the Life Force Energy that massages the person he is good, most likely they are yours to make.For present purposes, simply ask Reiki to a Reiki treatment is for empowerment, the second level of training and attunement!

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Reiki Crystal Lotus

The teacher prepares the online courses impart intense training of a Reiki session generally lasts approximately 70 minutes, but is an agency of the Universe and raise their vibration.Usui-Sensei was a very powerful and very effective for anxiety, because one of the second is emotional healing and to everything in the same time, the practice continuously.Even if you are attuned along with mutual respect and protect others.Count it as mumbo jumbo is completely dogma free, with no religion.He should be kept secret from the Reiki Master they can actually receive the most recognized Reiki master known as Kundalini.

She told me that my usual perception of the student's conscious and deliberate changes.In a way, Reiki Healing Energy is the history of Reiki but simply a stored ball of energy.Practitioners believe that the exponents already lie within all of people's questions / issues / medical conditions... and learn to become a reiki course and practice which is helpful in many situations.In most cases and is called Sei Hei Ki, is the very first time he passed on directly from the brow to the explosion of reiki mastery within a person.This usually involves the therapist touching the patient to travel from one another, even though some therapists may say otherwise.

[handeleugene]

It was a real privilege to not only attend but have the incredibly high honor to speak at Blend Fest this past year. Such a humbling experience and one of the highlights of my career. Since giving my speech so many people have reached out to me asking for advice & tips on public speaking. I’m no expert by any means but I wanted to peel back the layers & share an in-depth overview of the process that went into putting my speech together.

When the Blend team reached out in February asking me to speak, I of course, said YES! And then promptly proceeded to get to work. I wanted to get started right away because I felt a strong obligation to rise to the occasion & deliver a great product that was worthy of the amazing conference that is Blend. It was incredibly exciting yet incredibly nerve-racking putting this speech together. Symptoms of impostor syndrome were present throughout this whole process but the one thing I took comfort in, was knowing that this wasn’t my first Rodeo. I’d been teaching since 2014 & I’d done 4 talks in the last two years, all leading up to this grand moment. Even though I had 8 months to prepare for this speech I wanted to get started right away because I knew a deadline 8 months away would be easy to procrastinate on. I also knew from the beginning that I wanted to memorize my speech so the earlier I could get it done the more time I could have to practice, revise, & refine my speech. The very first thing I did in preparation for my talk was to start being more observant of the world around me. It just so happened that I was attending Motion Plus Design LA only a week after learning I would be speaking at Blend. So I used this conference to do field research & take notes. I took notes on what captured the audience, what didn’t, what was well received & what wasn’t. The big take away I got from all the talks was that vulnerability really resonated with the audience & made the speaker relatable. Any personal experiences you can draw from to help emphasize the point your making really landed well with the audience. And not taking yourself so seriously was something I noticed worked well on stage as well. Once I got started drafting up ideas & concepts for my speech I decided NOT to start completely from scratch. Instead, build upon past topics I’d given that I knew resonated with audience members & leaving behind the topics that didn’t. That meant taking some of the most successful parts from my F5 Speech as well as my talks at Otis College & Hyper Island. Now a strong part of me wanted to just stop there, take the “Don’t Mess with Success” approach knowing that I already had a solid foundation. But one thing I’ve learned is that past success doesn’t guarantee future results. There’s always room for improvement, I really wanted to push myself on this one, do in-depth research, educate myself more on certain topics & come up with new material that I haven’t presented before. Like I mentioned earlier, I wanted to deliver a unique product that was worthy of Blend. Recycling old material with little revision would save me A LOT of time, effort, & stress but would be the lazy route. One thing about me is that I stubbornly like to do things the hard way. I recently read in Ryan Holiday’s book The Daily Stoic, that you can often find comedians doing small sets at local bars in LA & NY. Well established comedians are constantly testing out new material on local audiences to see what jokes land & what jokes bomb. By the time you see a famous comedian on stage doing their big tour & Netflix special, they are already well prepared because they’ve done a countless number of small gigs refining their material along the way. I share this story because I wanted to use this same approach in preparation for my Blend Fest Talk. I intentionally signed up to be a guest speaker at a Local LA meet up called “Creative Neighbors” in July. I wanted to force myself to have the first draft of my Blend Fest Speech ready to present at Creative Neighbors & use this small intimate environment as my testing ground for some of the material I was writing.

Speaking of comedy, we all know the quickest way to win over a crowd during a speech is to get a few laughs in. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t want my speech to be as funny as possible. From my own personal experience, I’ve found that the most memorable talks were the ones that made me laugh the most. Knowing myself, I knew that making my speech funny would require ALOT of work. I must have listened to 2 or 3 standup comedy specials a week in the span of 9 months. Studying not only the material but the delivery & the stage presence of comedians. Some people came up to me after my speech & said that I looked like Hassan Minhaj with my hand gestures which is funny because I definitely tried to mimic his enthusiasm on stage. The more I studied comedy the more surprised I was to learn how formulaic jokes can be. Lots of jokes follow a format that is recycled but just repurposed to align with each individual’s experience. The Call Back Technique probably being the most popular example of this. I tried to use some of these formulas I was learning to write my own jokes based off of my own personal experiences. I even learned that the truth alone isn’t always funny, sharing an exaggerated version of the truth for the sake of storytelling is commonplace in comedy & was definitely a technique I used in my speech. Once I had the blueprint laid out for my speech it was time to rehearse. One thing I failed to do in my talks prior was leave adequate time to practice my speech & it definitely showed. This time around I wanted to have more confidence & stage presence & not rely heavily on my speaker notes like before. I knew taking this approach would require more work of course but again, I wanted to deliver a product worthy of Blend and the many heroes of mines which would be in attendance. So memorizing as much of my speech as possible felt like the right thing to do.

One thing I learned in this cyclical process of rehearsal, revise, refine, was the way that you write & the way that you talk are two completely different things. If you’re writing the script for your speech you have to write it in a way that you would talk, sounds obvious in theory but proves harder in practice. A lot of the refining of my speech was centered around making the scripted part of my talk as conversational as possible. This conversational aspect I kept tweaking all the way up until the night before my speech. It's a weird phenomenon but you don’t really know what your speech sounds like until you rehearse it out loud. The last thing I wanted to do was to sound like I was reading to the audience or giving a lecture. I had to get out from behind the podium and actually speak to the audience as much as I could.

I learned some amazing tips from David JP Phillip’s Ted Talk about Public Speaking. David educated me on the power & influence you have just with your voice & body language. For instance, changing the pace of what you are saying can increase focus, lowering the volume of your voice creates anticipation & strategically placed pauses generate undivided attention. In public speaking, it is said that body language accounts for approximately 55 percent of communication, voice tone 35 percent, and words 10 percent. This was incredibly enlightening for me and a strategy I incorporated throughout my speech. During the times of my talk that I was reading from my script, I would put certain words or phrases in ALL CAPS to indicate raising the volume of my voice to emphasize a certain point & prevent a monotone sounding dialogue. And I would put multiple periods between words........to indicate longer pauses.  I've never memorized a speech before so I looked to the internet for some creative tips to help me besides the typical brute force method. I've come across multiple articles that reiterate a common theme when it comes to memory, our brains are really good at visualization. We remember pictures of things that are meaningful way better than we remember abstract concepts. If we attach a meaningful image (or drawing) to a concept we're more likely to recall that memory later on. I used this method to help me memorize my talk by drawing symbolic images on index cards to help me remember the first 9 minutes of my speech. The goal going in was to have my whole speech memorized but I only got to 11 out of the 20 minutes down (first 9 & last 2). Even still memorizing half of my speech was a major accomplishing I'm definitely proud of, especially considering the fact that I'd never done that before. I was able to get that much memorized because I dedicated the last 3 weeks leading up to my talk to practicing around the clock.

I was very surprised at how well the talk was received at Blend. I knew I had some solid material but I would have never guessed how much of an impact my talk would have on so many people at the event. It's incredibly humbling because hearing all the positive feedback made all the hard work that went into this speech so worth it. Some people went as far as comparing my speech to a Ted Talk or a sermon on Sunday, which is some of the highest compliments I could ever receive. Leading up to it, I was incredibly afraid because throughout this entire process I was completely out of my comfort zone. I knew I was taking a big risk by stepping away from the podium & in doing so removing my safety net, but it was so rewarding being able to deliver a speech that I knew I was capable of. I’m definitely not a natural when it comes to public speaking. I’m an introvert by nature so I had to really tap into an alter ego to deliver this prepared speech. If I looked comfortable on stage its largely due to the fact that I put a substantial amount of time, effort, research, & practice into my talk. 

You can catch some highlights from my talk here on my Instagram stories. If you weren't able to attend Blend but you're still interested in seeing a recording of my talk then email me, I'll set up a private screening for you.

[hexhux]

My Eighteenth Birthday

Friday, May 3rd, 2019. 

An open letter to everyone who has ever loved me. A recap of the year. 

Today, I turned eighteen years old. I can’t help but feel incredibly lucky to be here. I’m sure many others who suffer from long-term mental illness can relate, but it is not always a given to make it this far. I have so much farther to go, but because this is such a milestone, I wanted to take a moment to step back and give my thanks to those in my life who have offered their hand to me. This life has been as joyous and wonderful as it has been cruel. For all the times I have sobbed my heart out, grieving and ashamed, I have found an equal amount of pure, forgiving laughter. To everyone, thank you so much.

One of the most important things I have learned so far is to appreciate the small things. To the setting sun, to the flowers called weeds, to the soft sheets, to the warm baths - thank you. To the moon, the stars, the midnight sky - thank you. To the emotional movies, to the memes on the internet, to the books I’ve read a thousand times - thank you. These are the things I have cultivated and loved, even when I thought the sun wouldn’t shine on me any longer. To quote one of my favorite movies of all time, Swiss Army Man, “Everything everywhere matters to everything.” It truly does. Forever. Always.

Grandma: you are the most important person in my life. From the very day I was born, you have been there. Through every stomach ache, nightmare, and painful thought, you have pieced me back together. You taught me what love truly was. Dedication. Sincerity. Empowerment. On all the days I could not love myself, you loved me twice as much. I found true friendship with you. You are the most generous, forgiving, and wholly enveloping person I know. Regardless of whether or not I am happy or sad, your face is the one I want to see. You match me in passion, pride, and persistence. I cannot tell you how much I love you because words do not come close to the feeling inside my heart. Thank you for being my best friend, for the advice, the comfort, and all the times you thoroughly read my fanfiction. You have supported my art and my dreams since the beginning. Thank you, mama.

Ethan: Firstly, let me ask a very, very important question, little brother. Do you have a mic? I’m kidding (lmao). I could not have a better brother. You were my first playmate, my partner in crime, and the person who was always by my side. Never once have we stopped playing. Every moment with you is one of belly-aching laughter and jokes. You bring an incredible light to the life of anyone who knows you. You’re level-headed, compassionate, and the funniest person I know. We’re so similar, but even in our differences, we’ve supported one another fully. You are my other half and I love you so dearly that it’s nearly laughable. You’re an absolute buffoon sometimes, but I’d take you over anyone else any day.

Collin: Ah, yes, my stupid woke best friend. You are the sweetest, kindest person I have ever met. The only person who asks retail workers about their day, even if they clearly hate their job. Nobody else has ever made quite such a dedication to getting to know me. You know the most about me, even if admitting that is embarrassing because the vast majority of my secrets are odd and cringe-worthy. We have been through so many challenges, but we have always made it through because we have a connection unlike no other. You are such a beautiful, encapsulating human being. The bond we have is incomparable to any other, and I cannot thank you enough for being my friend. It isn’t often you meet someone who wants all of you, not just the good parts. You have loved me through the misfortune. And I want you to know that I will forever be there for you. It is an honor to know you, Collin.

Nits: We may have met by chance, but there is nothing accidental about our friendship. I have never encountered someone like you before - someone so bold, strong, and gorgeous. That summer we spent every day together, entangled by movies, music, and a growing fondness that would last forever. To be loved by you is such a gift. Nobody deserves you. I have never so desperately wanted to see someone succeed. We are intertwined and will be forever, I truly hope. You have held my hand and helped me through the bad times, just as I’ve held yours. You are an enigmatic, wondrous, and hopeful soul. Thank you for seeing me for who I am, even when I myself didn’t know who that was at times.

Kiesha: Your comfort and reassurance is never-ending. You have such a warm, broad presence. We have known each other for such a long time and have managed to grow in the same direction. So much love, laughter and acceptance has been cultivated between us. I cannot thank you enough for all those nights spent talking on the phone late at night. For all the times you answered my calls when I was crying after a bad dream and needed another person to exist with me. For all the beta-reading, spelling checks, and long-reading sessions. Thank you for being there and for being the Wade Wilson to my Peter Parker.

Nova: I have never met another person so similar to myself. You’ve given me so much comfort in my identity and existence. You are a lovely, sugary sweet human being, even when you’re badass. You have such a fierce and generous energy, which has enraptured me since the moment we met. We met through hard circumstances, but I believe it was worth it because we found each other. I would relive it a hundred times if you were still standing at the end of it. Our love for one another is so nurturing and wholesome, and I wouldn’t give it up for all the money in the world. Thank you for your friendship, generosity, and patience. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you. Probably throw a fit.

Nikki: You are seriously one of the most interesting people I have ever met. You’re so hilarious, so intriguing, and so sincere. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. Your presence is one I’ll never forget and hope to never live without. I will always hold my hand out to you because I know you’d do the same for me. You’re such a supportive, kind, and affectionate person. You don’t give yourself enough credit for how fuckin’ amazing you are. I’m very glad to call you my friend, and I can’t thank you enough for being mine. You matter so much to me. Thank you for all the playlists, passion, and crude jokes.

Cierra: You are such a beautiful, darling person. We have grown so much together and I could not be happier to call you my friend. Ever since I was a child, I dreamed of having a friend like the teenage girls in the coming of age movies. The type of friendship where you gush about boys, share all of your dreams and uplift each other to the highest degree. I feel so much happiness talking to you, even if it's about nothing at all. You have supported me so thoroughly and have always been such a gentle, soft girl. I am so proud to call you my friend. For all the times we gushed over Tom Holland, thank you.

J: From the very moment we met, we’ve had intense and bold chemistry. You’re so funny and so wise, even if sometimes I want to beat you with a stick. Your love and dedication for me have been such a pleasure. I love that we can spend hours on the phone - talking about everything and nothing at all. You’ve always been there to support me, even in times when I felt too weak to go on. Your love for me has been so enveloping, and I hope you know that I love you just as much. Thank you for giving me the courage to remove toxic people from my life. Thank you for remembering the little things about me. And most of all, thank you for also indulging in my love for oldies beach music. You’re wonderful.

Aisu, Amanda, Sky, and Reez: My wonderful squad! You guys are endlessly supportive, hilarious, and fantastic human beings. Never in my life have I felt so brave and safe with a group of people. It is truly an honor to log onto Twitter and talk to such honest, fantastic friends. No matter what I’m talking about, you guys are always there to encourage me. Through all my writing, my artwork, my strange fantasies - you guys have been there. For all the support of my Kylo Ren fetish, my love for Slenderman, and random infatuations with villians, thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart, I love y’all.

To myself: You’ve made it this far. I know that some days you succumb to the pain, the insecurity, the anguish, but you have truly been so brave. Every time that you’ve fallen, you’ve pushed yourself from the ground and stood on your feet once more. Against all odds, you have made it to eighteen. You are strong. You are smart. You are brave. Even on the days when you wished you were someone else, or gone completely, you have bandaged your wounds and taken care of yourself. I am so proud of you. For once in my life, I am happy to be who I am. I am happy to be you. To inhabit this body. Thank you for never once giving up on yourself, even when you so desperately wanted to. Thank you so much.

I learned so much during my year as seventeen. It hasn’t been easy by any means; there were so many times when I wanted to let go of it all. Recovering from severe depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder has been a long, arduous process. I’ve been in therapy for nearly a full year now, and I’ve come so far in examining my trauma and understanding how to live with it. This year, I’ve done my best to step out of my comfort zone and allow myself to flourish as much as possible. This life can be complicated and heartbreaking, but it’s worth it all. For all the happiness, the love, the sweetness.

Finally, I’d like to list the songs that I’ve played a billion times and have been the biggest comfort. 

1. Mariners Apartment Complex by Lana Del Rey

2. O Superman by Laurie Anderson

3. Allentown by Manchester Orchestra & The Front Bottoms

4. I’ll Still Have Me by CYN

5. Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

Thank you to everyone. For everything.

“Knowing at last what I am, recognizing it, admitting it, confronting it,” - Anaïs Nin

[neoblogcrying]

“Tea talk”

I wanted to practice trying to write Shang Qinghua, shame™ and all, so here is this. It’s a lil fic about SQQ and SQH talking over cups of tea, discussing their bent husbands. If someone reads this, I hope you enjoy! I did my best to write for our lovely transmigrators. OTL Sorry if it’s no good. |||||||

“You’re telling me the reason why he cries all the time is because you advised him to act weak in front of me?” Shen Qingqiu asked with half his face hidden behind his fan as always.

Shang Qinghua could only nod his head in response. There wasn’t much that he could do about it at the time, you know? He had the protagonist staring at him, looking for answers! He was scared for his life! “Cucumber bro, I wanted to live another day and I told him whatever I could to keep my life. In the end, isn’t it easier to tame him this way?”

Let’s conveniently ignore the fact that it may have awakened the M in him.

No, he was probably already like that due to his upbringing. Shang Qinghua had his ‘lovely Cucumber bro’ to thank for that. It was weird seeing the character that he lovingly created turn bent for the ‘villainous scum’ for that matter!

If he had to explain it, it was like sending off your daughter to marry some punk, who surprisingly ended up being an okay kind of guy. All things considered, Shang Qinghua liked the other male. They were both from Earth and so they could relate to each other about how 'sad' they were.

Certainly, Luo Binghe was easier to deal with this way, but it was still too weird! The gap was immense! Illogical!

It seemed that Shen Qingqiu was willing to let the matter go for now as he brought the tea cup to his lip to sip the tea quietly. There was a contemplative look on his face as he was thinking something over to himself. The imagery of Luo Binghe coming to him alone for advice was too ridiculous. There had to be others there at the time, right?

“Was he the only one you told this to?” Shen Qingqiu raised another good question.

Thinking it over, there were other people there at the time, including Mobei Jun and even Sha Hualing.

“As I’m sure you've guessed, we weren’t alone. I may be shameless, but I wouldn’t try to steal him from you, Cucumber bro. Relax.”

The sound of a tea cup slamming onto the table almost surprised Shang Qinghua out the door. If there were any suspicious movements on his part, he was sure that his ‘son’ would come running out to flay him.

‘I lovingly create you from my own mind and this is how you repay me!?’ He’d cry as he’d get hacked down while clinging onto Luo Binghe’s thighs, begging for life. That’s the scenario the 'Shameless theatre' played in his head.

On the other hand, Shen Qingqiu had his own thoughts running through his mind: ‘Who is worried you’ll steal Luo Binghe away! If anyone could steal him away, they’d be wearing the Protagonist’s halo! How shameless! You may be the author, but there is a limit to how much you want to play at God! If anyone is getting stolen away, it would sooner be me, and Luo Binghe would destroy the world in the end!’

Just thinking about it… how scary! The protagonist was too scary!

Stop thinking about it. Don’t bother with it. Shen Qingqiu had to fan himself to calm himself down.

Ahem.

“Was Mobei Jun there?” He asked calmly.

“Huh? Yeah… he was there, why?”

Why are you bringing him up? Could it be…?

Shock was painted across his face. That can’t be right! There’s no way! How could you thrust such an idea onto him? Show some mercy, will you?

“Cucumber bro, you’re even more shameless than me. Is Luo Binghe not enough for you? He’s got the highest Stallion potential, you know? Now you want Mobei Jun to answer to your beck and call? I won’t have it, even if I have to fight against you.”

“Cut the crap!” A fan came crashing down onto the crown of Shang Qinghua’s head. The latter whimpered in response. He was always being beaten by everyone. Mobei Jun, and now his good Cucumber bro.

Is there anyone in this world who was more pitiful than him?

“I have my hands full with that sticky Luo Binghe. I have no need for another.” He huffed, not caring to hide his annoyance with the other.

Just hearing his name, Luo Binghe peeked his head out from the kitchen. “Did Shizun call for this disciple?” It was like you could see a tail wagging from behind him, he was that happy. Did calling you by name make you that happy? Were you not busy cooking food?

With a displeased snort, he waved a hand to wordlessly tell Luo Binghe to go back to what he was doing, which was cooking food for him to eat. “This Master still hungers.” That was all he needed to say to remind his disciple on what he was doing.

“This disciple will quickly procure a feast for Shizun!” His voice was full of adoration and adulation for his Shizun.

Ha… you really don’t have to go that far…

That being said, Shen Qingqiu was already salivating at the thought, but you couldn’t tell because of his Mater-level poker face!

To think the cool and suave protagonist could turn into such… such… A WHIPPED PUPPY!

Shang Qinghua wanted to cry for his son’s honor, but even he had to admit that Luo Binghe seemed happier this way. For the sake of his son’s happiness… please continue to stick with him. May your ass rest in piece, Cucumber bro. The shameless author offered a prayer for Shen Qingqiu’s ass.

As if he could sense a disturbance in forces, a small shiver ran up Shen Qingqiu’s spine. “As I was trying to say… don’t you think the reason Mobei Jun harbors feelings for you… is because of your words?”

How could that be?

Shang Qinghua had spent many nights laboring over how Mobei Jun turned out this way. He thought that maybe it was his authority as the author that caused this. Who told him to design Mobei Jun to fit all his aesthetics, anyways? It was impossible for him NOT to feel strongly for his own creation.

He had such an attractive face. He was tall and had a nice, firm body. His voice? It sends shivers down his spine (good and bad). He was powerful and had a good lineage as well. What more could you want in a man?

Even now Shang Qinghua looks at Mobei Jun and wonders how it was possible for such a perfect demon could exist. If he had any complaint, it would be that his skin was too cool to the touch and it would make the winter time a struggle.

Mobei Jun was the best (let’s ignore Binghe for now), and he should have legions of women begging for his favor! He was weaker than Luo Binghe, but he was just as strong of a bachelor—BUT! HE! WENT! BENT!!!

Just because your superior goes bent, you do the same thing!? Where is the logic in that!? Shang Qinghua wanted to cry.

Not only that… he… HE REALLY SUCKED IN BED!

Shouldn’t you have some Godly skills or something? He is your maker! He designed you to be skilled in various fields! The author lamented to the skies, conveniently forgetting that he never designed a bent Mobei Jun, so it made sense that he was lacking skills in that area.

Still, he was a quick learner, so he was sure the pain he feels will only last for a short while! Soon enough, he’ll be able to put Luo Binghe to shame! These are the words coming from the author himself, so he can’t be wrong! Shang Qinghua seemed to puff out his chest at the thought.

Though… what did Cucumber bro mean by his words? “What do you mean?”

“In order to appeal to a man, you have to act obedient… cute… weak… lovable… and must evoke a feeling of protection…” Shen Qingqiu kept glancing at Shang Qinghua in between sips of his tea, trying to make a point.

He could only see a poker face to start, but as he spoke, it seemed like the other was finally starting to get it.

HE’D INADVERTENDLY SEDUCED MOBEI JUN WITH HIS OWN WORDS! HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME FOR BENDING MOBEI JUN!!!

“Ughh… no way… I… I bent him myself?” The author lamented. How could he be so blind to not have realized this when he gave advice to Luo Binghe that day? It’s true that Mobei Jun could be characterized as being his ‘ideal man,’ but wasn’t it a shame to have him be bent? He could have all the women he wanted in the world!

Ah… but… who would suit him? Nothing but the best for his Mobei Jun!

Gripping the teacup hard in his hand, he downed the entire cup, almost scalding the top of his mouth in the process. Yep.

Perfection is the only thing that suits perfection. As the author of this world, he is like a God, is he not? Who is more perfect than God? That’s right, no one. In other words, he’s perfection.

Nailed it!

He’d shamelessly tacked on the ‘perfect’ tag onto himself that made him worthy enough to be with Mobei Jun.

Only someone as shameless as this author could do such a thing or write such shameless characters. Face it, the real reason you were transmigrated into Shang Qinghua’s body had to be because you were kindred spirits.

With all seriousness, who understood Mobei Jun the best? Who would know his likes and dislikes better than the author who created him? If anyone knew how to make him happy, it should be him. 

“You blamed me for bending him, but I can throw this back at you. You bent Mobei Jun.” Eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. If you blame him for bending Luo Binghe, he’ll blame you for bending Mobei Jun! “Have another cup of tea.”

“Thanks… but I’d rather a cup of wine. How about we toast for our bent husbands?”

[theonceoverthinker]

Season 3 Overview

Another season has come and gone. And now that the season is over and I’m all Smash Bro’d out, it’s the perfect opportuni-THREE to talk about it! XD

Season 3 was a whirlwind, but in the best way possible. Once Upon a Time really took this season to come into its own, blending the real emotions of a drama with the fantastical elements of a fairy tale. And with two seasons of developed dynamics at its back and the buildup of having all of our main characters finally on the same side though still with the same qualities that allowed for real and interesting conflict, this was shaped up to be an incredible season.

And what an incredible season it was!

Damn, it feels so sad closing the book on Season 3. Look, this is my favorite season, both critically and emotionally and rewatching it only proved that twice over for me. In terms of its final score, it got 94%, the highest of the three seasons I’ve reviewed so far. Additionally, HALF of the season scored Golden Apples, the highest honor I can bestow on an episode!

So, with all that, what more specifically did I like about it and what (if anything) went wrong? Well, let’s get into it under the cut with our Pro/Con lookback!

Pros

The Concept of Belief - Often in other seasons, belief is something that acts as a platitude and while it doesn’t bother me as much as other platitudes on the show, it wasn’t especially effective either. However, Season 3 did something different. Here, belief was made both tangible and intangible. To elaborate, it’s more than a meaningless platitude. It’s belief in something real and exuding the energy to make it happen. In Neverland, believing in each other was a strong point and that belief came through trusting others that they normally wouldn’t in pursuit of a grander cause (Saving Henry). It’s the belief that everyone wants the same thing and that there might be some strength in the others’ mindsets. This continues in the Wicked Witch Arc and it’s the reason why Regina is able to defeat Zelena with light magic. This concept is present all throughout the season and the practical terms and language that the characters use as well as the actions that follows them transforms that belief into something that can actually be used to solve problems rather than something vague that is just said because it sound right. It’s like Tiana’s dad says in the opening of “The Princess and the Frog,” wishing is only half the deal. You have to make the rest happen and by trusting each other, that’s exactly what the Nevengers did.

Villains – Season 3 had the best villains, plain and simple. I wrote an entire essay about Pan and I wanted to write one about Zelena, but to put it simply, both villains had big and hammy personalities that made them intimidating and memorable, strong connections to our main cast that allowed for them to be characters in their own right with a thematic presence, strong effects on both the plot and story, interesting motivations that lent themselves to high stakes, and satisfying defeats and “deaths.” Rebecca Mader and Robbie Kay both additionally contributed performances that positively OWNED their interpretations of The Wicked Witch of the West and Peter Pan. They were intimidating, but at the same time, had their own bits of charm that still made them villains that I wanted to see on screen. Like, they still did terrible things – their villainy was never questioned – but at the same time, I never felt an urge to fast forward past their scenes because it was so engaging to watch them do their things.

Redemptions – I feel like I could talk so much about Rumple, Regina, and Killian’s individual redemption arcs in Season 3. There’s this understanding among the writing staff of the people these characters are and what they want them to be and with that cohesion, they put their all into making that happen this season. Because of that, all three characters got emotionally satisfying developments that were carefully built up over eleven episodes. And, what I like about these developments is that those changes did account for bumps in the road and allowed for some pretty sensible deviations from those roads to redemption. At some point in the season, Rumple, Regina, and Killian do villainous things to some degree that take their redemptions down a few notches, but it doesn’t undo the work they’ve done.

Cinematography and Locations - I feel like Season 3 was the most diverse the series ever got with its locations and camera work. The camera work this season allowed for the locations, moods, and characters come alive. Storybrooke has such a rich geography and so often in later seasons as I was watching this one, we don’t get to see it. The mirror shot lake stands out the most to me and I want to give out more honorable mentions, but…well, this is why you don’t wait so long to do an overview XD! But if you’ve read my reviews, then you know that there were too many locations that I called pretty and amazing and I feel like it’s a failing that a lot of locations in the coming season just stick to the some of the more common places. The woods never look so beautiful afterwards.

Cons

Walsh’s Framing - ...Look, I had very little to complain about this season. Thematically, shit just came together nicely. BUT there was a failing or two, as small as they were and Walsh’s was a really small but strange fuckup. Like, Walsh is supposed to be framed as a bad man who got his just desserts by being turned into a monkey and later killed. The latter part of this works well enough since he does attack Emma before he dies, but the former half…well, it doesn’t. Glinda’s justification for finding Zelena’s punishment of him to be appropriate is that Walsh promised hope he could never fulfill. The only thing is that in the one instance of Walsh being the Wizard that we see, he is not only helping Zelena, but gives her something that physically allows her to do what she wants them to do, only asks for a payment as an afterthought, AND advises Zelena about her jealousy, which is just needed advice for her. He’s not shown to be callous or make unfulfillable promises. He lies about his abilities, yes, but how he keeps up his ruse still enriches the lives of others, and if it’s not, it should have been better shown. Have Walsh not give the advice, or maybe set a deadline for when Zelena has to get the item from Rumple. Like, make him more of a douche! As it stands, I just feel bad for Walsh and hope he moves on to the better place in the afterlife.

The Island of Machismo - This isn’t a critique of Neverland, per se, but dammit, this aspect of the arc was just frustrating! It feels like if one was a male in this series and present on this island, they got affected with a bug far more dangerous than Dreamshade: Machismo. At least once per episode, the men of this show would argue over something stupid for no other reason than showing that they���re a “real man” to either their opponent of the object of their affections. The dumbest example was of course the lighter fight in “Dark Hollow,” but dishonorable mentions to a lot of David’s behavior prior to and during “Good Form” and the attitude of the Lost Boy’s at Pan’s camp. Just...it really shows that this show was made by guys and as a show that normally doesn’t do this, it’s really disappointing.

...And honestly, that’s really it. As I said, in terms of broad strokes, this season gave me very little to complain about. While some episodes or scenes were off in either their framing or the sturdiness of their stories, they were more or less one offs!

Okay! Now that we’re done talking about some of the season’s less than stellar qualities, let’s go back to talking about the good shit again! That’s right, it’s time to talk dynamics! Now, like last season, these are in no particular order, and that’s because...well, when you spend the better part of two weeks playing Smash Bros, you kind of forget some of the intricacies of dynamics and thus which ones you think are better! XD But honestly, there were so many good ones this season that I could’ve extended this to a top ten without even trying (Honorable mentions go to Emma and Regina, the Charming Family, Zelena and Regina, Regina and Snow, and Killian and Henry).

Captain Charming - Killian and David’s dynamic is mostly a dynamic that develops under the surface, save for “Good Form” where it’s given its day in court. What I like about it is how David’s never portrayed in a negative light for his distrust of Killian. It comes from a sensible place given Killian’s misdeeds, but is still shown as something that he’s better off for moving on from. And Killian’s struggle to get his approval is not without its merit. Killian’s real effort is portrayed. Additionally, they have a nice bit of snark between them. Seeing these two guys grumble as they work together and comment on their budding friendship is funny and quickly becomes endearing as the snipes become just a little kinder over the season. I finally want to point out how David warming up to Killian is one of the few instances of The Island of Useless Machismo failing in that regard as by the end of “Good Form,” they trust each other enough to let the fucking toxic masculinity go for half a second.

Swan Believer - Believe it or not, a lot of what makes the Swan Believer dynamic so good is the fact that Emma and Henry are separated for so much of it. Through each other’s absences, we see so much of their feelings for each other come through. That’s not to say I like them apart but every moment that that was the case, we saw further just how much that separation made Emma determined. Henry blatantly informs every decision she makes and allows for her character to explore her magic, understanding of morality, and identity. And in the latter half of the season, we get this fantastic mix of frustration and love from Henry as he deals with the truth being kept from him. He knows his mother has his best interests at heart, but every piece of information that he knows isn’t being shared and every time he’s left on the sideline proceeds to make him angrier. And on Emma’s side, no matter what her approach is to where she wants to be, what doesn’t change is how much she wants Henry with her. But when they are together, we see just how close the two of them can be. “New York Serenade” has so many great moments where we see a possible life that Emma and Henry could’ve had and they’re so emotionally comfortable and aware of each other. One can understand why Emma wants to return to their simpler life upon seeing how cozy they were in their New York apartment. To summarize, the Swan Believer dynamic was one of the most subtle and loving dynamics of the season and I happily ate it up!

Regal Believer - Like with Swan Believer, so much of the season doesn’t involve Henry and Regina being together. But unlike Swan Believer, they get a different means of development. There are certainly similarities between the two, but I want to focus on what makes them unique. First, I’m gonna do that by pointing out a similarity! XD Just like how Henry’s absence informs all of Emma’s choices, the same can be said for Regina’s too. She puts up with the Charmings for far longer than she normally would like to, explores the type of role she can play in the group dynamic (A mentor to Emma’s magical skills and a willing user of dark magic), and faces off against all manner of dangers without a moment’s hesitation. Her determination is so fierce that one can completely understand when she’s had too much of the group and needs to hit the highway. And of course, I have to touch upon the “Save Henry” flashback. We really see that for as much growth as Regina is doing and for as much remorse as she has for her sins, she can never fully regret any of it because she loves Henry that much and we know exactly why. He gave light and purpose to her life and was enough that she was willing to put herself at a disadvantage in order to give him the love that he deserved. And that love, while held back by  two seasons of villainy, finally gets to show itself from Henry’s side. Now that Regina’s doing better, Heny reciprocates her love fully. And in the latter half of the season, watching every small interaction between the two of them as Henry doesn’t know his mother, but still really likes her company is so heartwarming and makes the moment where he reclaims his memories and they break the curse together a moment of utter triumph. They fought so hard to be together and now that they are, I couldn’t be happier.

Pan and Rumple - I could go on and on about Pan’s dynamics with practically all of our mains, but let’s focus on the best one. Rumple is a character so steeped in nuance that one has to wonder about his origins. With Pan, that was partially delivered on and so effectively at that! Pan is an utter monster who knows every one of Rumple’s buttons to push and partially because he laid the foundation for some of them. Even as Rumple tries to be noble in order to save his grandson, Pan presses those buttons relentlessly and without mercy, no matter if it comes at the cost of destroying his son’s confidence or severing Rumple’s tepid connection with Neal. Nothing is sacred. And Rumple reaction to this is fascinating as well. His hatred for Pan is without question present, but at the same time, Rumple is not entirely immune to Pan’s powers of suggestion. He nearly falls for the fake Belle’s scheme and when the doll first shows up on the island, Rumple meets it with tears. With the possible exception of Cora, no villain has ever intimidated Rumple like this before. And watching Rumple have to use every supply in his arsenal to take Pan down as it culminates in Rumple realizing the sacrifice he must make is such an integral part of his character growth this season. And every time that happens, Pan just becomes more and more of a threat to the audience. It’s a dirty, disgusting, and utterly despicable dynamics that they share and I love every second of it.

Rumple and Neal - I feel like Rumple and Neal’s dynamic really gets the attention this season that it deserved last season but didn’t get. While their time together was shorter, every second of it counted. Neal’s distrust of Rumple really gets to be explores and it was further kicked into high gear as a result of the urgency of their mission. Because Henry was taken, both an initial alliance was able to take place and in the same breath for that same reason, destroyed. And then, it was rebuilt. Rumple and Neal’s reconstructed parent/child relationship is so satisfying for me because Rumple really has to earn trust back from a situation that he got himself into. That entirely deserved bitterness on Neal’s half is given the attention it’s deserved in an entire episode dedicated to it as well as a few follow up scenes in future episodes. And it’s brutal. Nothing is held back as Neal tells Rumple exactly how he feels and why he’s worried about a chance at betrayal and every word cuts like a knife. Because of that, the moments when Rumple disproves those doubts feel so satisfying to behold and the ensuing reconciliation is applause worthy.

Okay, not that all’s been said and done about dynamics, it’s that time again! Yes, it’s time to tackle the best writer of the season! And may I just say, this season was FANTASTIC for everyone! We had TWO writers get a perfect score and A&E were just one point off from joining them! But as they did not, let’s crown our winners!

And the best writers of Season 3 are…

Christine Boylan and Robert Hull!

Both writers finished off the season so remarkably! When looking back at their work, not only did every episode get a 10/10, but ALL of them received the Golden Apple, a score I reserve for episodes of exceptional quality and a first for writing accomplishments for this rewatch. These are classic episodes like “Save Henry,” “Think Lovely Thoughts,” and “Snow Drifts,” as well as two new absolute favorites of mine like “Nasty Habits” and “The Tower.” All of these episodes have powerful and effective themes, compelling character interactions, and risks that take the story to new heights.

Well, that’s everything for you. We can close the door on this season and move on forward!

So now that Season 3, often regarded as OUAT’s best season (By myself included) is over...where do we go from here?

I love the Frozen Arc, and I’m really excited to watch it again. In fact, I’ve already started it, and I just finished reviewing “White Out!” XD The Frozen cast rocks, I get some fantastic dynamics and storylines out of it, and it feels quite balanced. I’m also excited to start this season as well because this is the point where I started watching the show live when it aired and because of that, I think my reviews and rewatch will transform into more of a discussion of my experiences and changes with these episodes and less as basically reviewing them for the first time. As you’ve already noticed if you’ve been reading my most recent reviews, I’ve condensed the format so that I can spend more time focusing on the core elements of episodes.

That said, I know there is a drop in the quality of OUAT going forward. I’m positive, but not naïve in that regard. That also having been said, I’m going to go into this new season like I always do: With anticipation for the good! And I hope you’ll be there to join me!

Thanks as always to @watchingfairytales and @daensarah! See you all...well partially through the next season! XD Puns, critiques, and gushing galore await you there!